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Author: prettybaby
Elite Ratio:    6.59 - 191 /194 /59
Words: 172
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1408
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1136



Description:


HELP! The first stanza bothers me. Any suggestions?


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For months on end I've waited
as the winter became spring
and into summer's awkward nights
you'd still not given anything

If you learned nothing from this
you've lost more than you won
You shall bury yourself in darkness
while I'm standing in the sun

I shall find a love withstanding
all four seasons of the year
There is one that shall not make me
shed a single tear

The mask you wear shall soon be torn
your shameful ways revealed
The heart in you shall hurt like mine
a broken piece you never healed

The sun upon your selfish life
is soon to be eclipsed
You shall regret the love you lost
and the chances you let slip

I give myself control again
as the summer turns to fall
My hopeless dreams are left behind
they fixed nothing at all

There will be no forgiveness this time
after months of waiting through
I'm breathing deep and moving on
I shall cry no more for you




Submitted on 2005-11-19 09:46:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  This poem to me, it sounds like someone took over your life and you are trying to send a message to them through poem form, and not directly to them. It sounds likfe the person reading it can be the abuser and you the victim. I don't look at how the poem is formed, more the meaning. Thanks.

Sincerely,
darkchild_41
| Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by darkchild_41 | [ Reply to This ]
  i dont think you have anything to fix with the last stanza i really like it, the first one i have said over and over out loud, but my kid wont quit whining long enough for me to think about it! so maybe someone else can help you with it. i liked the poem over all, and i am sure just a little change in the first stanza will make it perfect. i dont know maybe it is perfect already and we are just too picky!~~tracy
| Posted on 2005-11-19 00:00:00 | by tmullins | [ Reply to This ]


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