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    dots Submission Name: No Moredots

    Author: prettybaby
    Elite Ratio:    6.59 - 191/194/59
    Words: 172
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1314
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1136

       HELP! The first stanza bothers me. Any suggestions?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNo Moredots

    For months on end I've waited
    as the winter became spring
    and into summer's awkward nights
    you'd still not given anything

    If you learned nothing from this
    you've lost more than you won
    You shall bury yourself in darkness
    while I'm standing in the sun

    I shall find a love withstanding
    all four seasons of the year
    There is one that shall not make me
    shed a single tear

    The mask you wear shall soon be torn
    your shameful ways revealed
    The heart in you shall hurt like mine
    a broken piece you never healed

    The sun upon your selfish life
    is soon to be eclipsed
    You shall regret the love you lost
    and the chances you let slip

    I give myself control again
    as the summer turns to fall
    My hopeless dreams are left behind
    they fixed nothing at all

    There will be no forgiveness this time
    after months of waiting through
    I'm breathing deep and moving on
    I shall cry no more for you

    Submitted on 2005-11-19 09:46:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This poem to me, it sounds like someone took over your life and you are trying to send a message to them through poem form, and not directly to them. It sounds likfe the person reading it can be the abuser and you the victim. I don't look at how the poem is formed, more the meaning. Thanks.

    | Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by darkchild_41 | [ Reply to This ]
      i dont think you have anything to fix with the last stanza i really like it, the first one i have said over and over out loud, but my kid wont quit whining long enough for me to think about it! so maybe someone else can help you with it. i liked the poem over all, and i am sure just a little change in the first stanza will make it perfect. i dont know maybe it is perfect already and we are just too picky!~~tracy
    | Posted on 2005-11-19 00:00:00 | by tmullins | [ Reply to This ]

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