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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tranquility lostdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: camoflage
    ASL Info:    16/f/nc
    Elite Ratio:    4.51 - 459/295/71
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Poetry/Cutting or Mutilation
    Total Views: 963
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 937



    Description:
       thankx to someone's help, i redid this, and im just now getting it up.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTranquility lostdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm lost in a sea of not so tranquil apathy;
    broken for eternity.
    Smiling a shallow smile,
    I'll wear me fake grin for a while.
    I hate to wear this mask,
    but it's so I can last.
    Crimson tears make a red river upon my arm,
    I don't care that it can harm.
    It makes me feel...
    It makes me feel real.
    Crimson tears make a red river uponmy wrist;
    the pain is the cause of my shallow breaths.
    I'm lost in a sea of not so tranquil equanimity;
    my red river turns to a sea.
    I wear my mask so that no one sees:
    I need help but no one hears my hidden pleas.
    As my crimson tears turn into a sea upon my wrist,
    You can't see the blood on my clenched fists.
    Once I'm finished, I'll be in a sea of real tranquility:
    I'll finally be at peace,
    When they burry me.




    Submitted on 2005-11-19 15:56:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is beautiful, in a deep dark kind of way. I felt true emotion in this one, great job.

    It was great ending too, it all really came together, a good flow.

    Keep it up,

    Miss M.
    | Posted on 2005-11-27 00:00:00 | by fightingirl19 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so deeply sad and moving.

    The images and pain feel very real.

    My only suggestion might be to switch up the words for red rather than being always crimson. Rose colored tears on the cheek comes to mind, but that is just me.

    I appreciate the intensity of the write.

    Nicely done.

    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2005-11-20 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a fantastic write where you showed your very being with every word
    This write is very personal and I congratulate you for getting it off your chest
    By writing this Im sure your feeling better with yourself
    You let a lot of negative energy out by writing it
    Just grab at the positives now and fill that empty space you just created up with them
    Stay positive!
    Take Care
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-11-19 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh my gosh I must certianly congratulate you ... I 've just read your poem and I found very powerfull. The pictures I could see through your work was just mindlowing. I wish I could write like you. Good luck.
    "Crimson tears make a red river upon my arm" Iloved this line and the final one was one of a kind "When they burry me"
    | Posted on 2005-11-19 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]


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