My Smile Within by Metal Heart74

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Submission Name: My Smile Within dots

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Author:	Metal Heart74
Elite Ratio:	5.12 - 72/61/17
Words:	170

Class/Type:	Poetry/Happy
Total Views:	874
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1076

Description:
storms used to scare me into bed with my mom and dad. now i love them. i am scared and happy at the same time when they are around. I don't know how good this poem is but i was grinning while i wrote it.
any feedback is appreciated thanks.
Metal Heart74

My Smile Within dots

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When the skies darken, the smile on the inside widens.
Off in the distance, along the horizon, my eyes are captivated by a sight of unexplainable beauty,
although many disagree.

The darkness stands like a Roman army waiting for the order to strike the remaining light.
Watching, becoming tense.
The light is a small rebellion, resisting the strength of the darkness.

But nature and life run their course, and the light dies.
Now
a shadowed image of a former world lights up like a battlefield from wars long ago.

My friends go inside, but I will not
I cannot.
I laugh and scream at the sky, my yells met by ground shaking thunder

Now I laugh harder, I can't control it...

"All good things must come to pass"
whoever said that had a point

As the rain subsides, I die a little inside.
I go to my room and wait...
wait for another storm

nothing to do but wait...
and smile.

Submitted on 2005-11-19 21:13:16 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  This is a pretty good poem. I love storms just like you do. I find them fascinating and very enjoyable to watch, especially a thunderstorm at the ocean is really awesome. I think the only thing this poem lacked was some imagery. It tells how you feel but doesnt give the reader much in the way of descriptive qualities. I would have enjoyed this one more if you were more descriptive about the storm and your words gave me some mental pictures to see as I read this. Overall, a good write but some imagery here could have made it better. Take care.

Lorna
| Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  Another very good write by you
I enjoyed reading this

I see you saying that we as a race cannot accept the fact that beauty is everlasting
As in the case of the Earth
If we dont stop polluting and destroying her beauty she will soon disapeer
A very good write with true meaning
Great Job
Ron

And Thank Yu for your recent comments
I like you do look at Christmas as a time for us to celebrate Family
Great Write
Take Care
and
God Bless
Ron
| Posted on 2005-12-03 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, this was really good. You had so much description in there. I love poems that are very detailed, as this one was. You have some amazing imagery. This was really good to read... keep writing!

Stefanie
| Posted on 2005-11-27 00:00:00 | by DeadValentine | [ Reply to This ]
  I really enjoyed this alot, it held so much personallity in it.
You really showed your readers a piece of you.

'The darkness stands like a Roman army waiting for the order to strike the remaining light.
Watching, becoming tense.
The light is a small rebellion, resisting the strength of the darkness.'

I enjoyed that part the most, very creative.
It is amazing to see the different views of different people. How they discribe something yet someone feels totally different.
You brought that out a little, how you loved the storms yet everyone else fled.
It was a bit scary at the end, as if the storm gave you life.
Yet those things that give us joy are all different, we sometimes hold them too tight.
I really like how you brought that out.
A very creative poem,
I enjoyed this alot.
take care
~jennifer
| Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
  ahh. this was so cool. i think this one was good. it says a lot that i liked this one so much because i fiercely prefer rhyming poems, so u know it's good if i liked it and it didn't even rhyme. ur imagery is so good and the whole thing just flowed so well. i liked the second stanza the most.
| Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.