Rose Petals Beneath Me -------------------------------------------
Let me waltz among the wild flowers, roses and lillies;
caressing my smooth tanned legs.
Let the petals open to greet my presence
as I smell each within the garden.
In gliding through a prism of colors
and pleasant odours to enliven the soul;
I bow before my Creator
to thank Him for his works of gold.
Velvet Rose Petals accentuate my path
of undeniable desires to love.
Fanciful bliss awaits at the end
of this beautifully displayed mirage.
Where my longing dreams are fulfilled
and the darkness overpowered by light;
My heart will tread onward
to find the meaning of life.
Let the sunflowers play a symphony
for the wind that brushes by;
let them kiss in harmony to a song
old in tune for courting lovers strolling by.
My melancholy shall be abolished
ever so polished and refined;
with rhythmic melodies --
a cosmic symposium of colloquy.
Let me lie 'neath Rose Petals
ever so carelessly; free from all burdens,
troubles, and horrors entrapping me.
My mind to ponder on lovely things
like a magical garden to release my pain.
Let the oils of Rose Petals 'neath me
rattle my senses to enhance--
my feeling of well-being.
I was really attracted to this title so i had to read and see what it was all about. I love when nature is being portrayed the way you did. It shows true beauty by what has been created by our creator. Just wonderfully done. Wanted to highlight that.
You made the first sentence so beautiful...the waltz is a wonderful dance that can be admired for many centuries. it shows sophistication and grace. the waltz among the most admired flowers is well put. The opening of every petal as you come close is also a beautiful image to imagine just to smell the scent hidden inside those petals. Then you look at the different colors each flower has and the uniqueness behind every flower just shows greater admiration for nature. The final sentence in the first stanza finishes the idea perfectly. This bow for the creator.
The velvet rose petals to start off the second stanza was the perfect way to begin. Then the explanation behind that velvet rose showing this undeniable desire to love ( now i know why people give roses to others). The mirage is a very true statement. I liked this a lot. It expressed a lot of meaning there. I also loved the part where dreams are able to be fulfilled by nature and that light overthrows the darkness. Happiness rises in my mind. Then another perfect sentence to finish the second stanza...trying to find the true meaning of life. We are all here to find that meaning...i am trying to find that meaning...lol.
The third stanza...i was like wow...the air and wind brushing through the flowers playing this wonderful music in the garden...almost looks as though you were in paradise.
the fourth stanza states all of the above and the desire to rid yourself of all nightmares this earth also has to offer. It seems to me that the horrors of life is so much bigger than the beauty of life and that we focus more on the darkness and remember all these awful events more than the focus on happiness. Anyhow, you finished the poem wonderfully "the feeling of well-being". I long for that too.
This piece is a work of art. I wouldn't change anything because it is beautiful the way it is. You sure had some kind of magnetic inspiration to write such a thing. This is going as my fav.
Excellent, bravo, bravo! Really, although I am supposed to have some sort of critique here, I am truly lost for words. This is spectacular and I see no improvements that need to be made. I had pictures spiraling about in my mind, and the feelings just entrapped me! This is a wonderful, wonderful poem and should really be featured somehow. Exceptional work!
I am not much into nature poems but you have opened my eye here.
You have touched on four of the senses to enrich your write. A journey to find the meaning of life while taking in everything around you at the same time. I felt as if i was walking beside you as you strolled within a flower garden. Releasing yourself to the beauty of nature and letting it guide you on your journey. This is a very good example of what a poem is supposed look and sound like. If the reader is able to imagine themselves in the poem and feel and see all that the writer has described, then it is a very good write. You have done all this and more.
I'm not one for nature poems, anyone can see that by reading my work, but i like this. wait scratch that, i LOVE this. I can not find a single thing i want to change..and with everything i read i normally find at least one thing in my head that i would change...and this has nothing at all. It was very well done all and all and made me feel warm and fuzzy as if it were summer and i was out in the garden. ^_^