Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I died on your lips.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Silver20G
    ASL Info:    28/M/Wisconsin
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 158/109/25
    Words: 315
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1094
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1564



    Description:
       I Love you.

    For the poets if you read Nightmare Obliv... the temple is mentioned there. Nightmare obliv... is one of my better poems, I think. Do your thing.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI died on your lips.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I approach you in fear, I can already feel you.
    I say my words in my tears, but clouded by anger your heart does not hear.
    My body shivers at the cold. It is coming from you this ice in your veins. I know you canít see it, but it is driving me insane.
    I am a part of you. Canít you understand that?
    I feel what you feel I know where your mindís at.
    I choose to combine our auras. I trusted you to do what is right for us.
    Look at us. Look at what's going on.
    My body is breaking my life is being torn.
    We traded strength to lift each other up.
    Now you send poison to create mistrust.
    You hate yourself which means you hate me. Since that moment my essence does bleed.
    Your words send chills down my spine.
    Canít you see that I am dying?
    That temple in my dreams, I think it is you. Right now you are the only thing that can make my life conclude.
    You try to walk this path alone. You tell me the pain is too much to bare. Where has your mind gone, Ask for my help I am standing right there.
    We are connected please donít break our hold. The very good in my soul is at stake this you should know.
    As I sit here you canít even imagine the pain. You have cut yourself off from my energy yet I can feel yours like nothing has changed.
    So tonight when I sleep I am going to close my eyes kiss you goodnight and let that energy free. If I donít wake up donít be surprised. You should know you have been killing me.




    Submitted on 2005-11-20 11:36:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      that was amazing i really liked it.. how did you get the idear to write it..it was so sad yet hopefull and sweet..you are very powerful in your writing, how long have you been doing thise it is really good, and serius
    | Posted on 2008-12-01 00:00:00 | by Milky | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I really like this.
    The deepness and intensity.
    I really like how you put how there was a metaphor for them in your dreams, and how you are one person sort of thing.
    Really good.
    | Posted on 2007-10-04 00:00:00 | by Xx_bang_bang_ | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this was a beautiful piece and i honestly didnt know what to expect from one line to the other! it kept me goin tho.. i hope u dont feel these things..lol it's a pretty poem but no such a pretty picture!
    | Posted on 2006-09-25 00:00:00 | by blonde_honey418 | [ Reply to This ]
      absolutely beautiful......though I normally tend to skip through longer writes this one had me from the very begining...each word I drank in and lived......there is nothing that I can suggest...so you will only get praise from me....


    so does he awake? or does she kill his spirit?


    Tink

    EGB
    | Posted on 2006-05-22 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      Mmm, had to take a deep breath with this one. Isn't it ironic when you ache to be with someone, just to feel that person close to you, but you know in your right mind that this person is about to break your heart (excellent title).
    This poem to me is more of a war you're fighting in your mind and the struggle to put it into words towards this person (you know, sometimes after a 'confrontation" you sit and think, "I should have said this or that")

    "You have cut yourself off from my energy yet I can feel yours like nothing has changed"...Beautiful, I can so relate.
    You've written this one quite a while back, so I suppose it's little too late for any advise or comfort, but as I look at your submissions after this one, it seems like your in a "better" state of mind and hopefully moved on.
    Well done Phil, keep it up!
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by Lee | [ Reply to This ]
      Very impactful! For so long I looked at a man like he was the best thing for me. Then after a while it was as though someone snapped their fingers before my eyes and made me come to reality. He had me dying inside...and I think that if I would have stayed there any longer that my death may have in fact became a reality. I loved him and I always will have love for him but the two of us aren't made for each other.

    This was wonderful! I hope that everything works out and that you get that inner healing that you deserve. Someone will come and help take the scars away!

    Much love,

    li
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      It is so powerful...it takes your heart and it squeezes and makes it pound and pulls tears from your eyes. I was really touched by this poem...I think it was written well...the tone was perfect for the subject and it was really passionate and beautiful.
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem is touching and brings a true sence of a broken love. the lines in it make your feelings and thoughts easy to see and easy to relate to. for a poem with out structure it ryhmes good in the spots that it does ryhm in. its very free flow and in tune with exactly how you feel and think about what inpired this poem. good job. thanks for the read
    | Posted on 2005-11-23 00:00:00 | by snacky fish | [ Reply to This ]
      This is full of anguish
    so full of pain
    I feel the emotion is too raw for me to make a criticm. I agree with the other poeple who have commented...
    this is a private hell you are going through

    ...don't let it make you lose you sense of self preservation...keep yourself as safe as you can

    ...and make sure your girl reads what you have written

    best wishes KOTC
    | Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by ertha | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really powerful write. I am sorry to hear that you have to go through such worries in a differcult time of your life. I kinda understand what you are going through. Distance can cause alot of pain and worries. I hope everything works out. This is a really good poem and write I would like to read more from you. You show alot of emotions and feelings in this write. Keep it up.
    Ali
    | Posted on 2005-11-20 00:00:00 | by sweet_innocence | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very powerful write you have penned here. It is very personal indeed and I feel I cant really critique something of such a personal nature. It reads to me like a letter to your girlfriend and there are some obvious problems going on that you really shouldnt have to be faced with right now if you ask me. You need to concentrate on keeping yourself safe and well and it kinda angers me a bit that she should cause you worry while you are over there. Anyway, like I said, I cant offer anything here. Be careful and take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-20 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    81704

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    FamiliarDemons ¬©‚ĄĘ written by kyserin
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    A bit of Pain written by teika5

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry