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    dots Submission Name: I died on your lips.dots

    Author: Silver20G
    ASL Info:    28/M/Wisconsin
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 158/109/25
    Words: 315
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1201
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1564

       I Love you.

    For the poets if you read Nightmare Obliv... the temple is mentioned there. Nightmare obliv... is one of my better poems, I think. Do your thing.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI died on your lips.dots

    I approach you in fear, I can already feel you.
    I say my words in my tears, but clouded by anger your heart does not hear.
    My body shivers at the cold. It is coming from you this ice in your veins. I know you canít see it, but it is driving me insane.
    I am a part of you. Canít you understand that?
    I feel what you feel I know where your mindís at.
    I choose to combine our auras. I trusted you to do what is right for us.
    Look at us. Look at what's going on.
    My body is breaking my life is being torn.
    We traded strength to lift each other up.
    Now you send poison to create mistrust.
    You hate yourself which means you hate me. Since that moment my essence does bleed.
    Your words send chills down my spine.
    Canít you see that I am dying?
    That temple in my dreams, I think it is you. Right now you are the only thing that can make my life conclude.
    You try to walk this path alone. You tell me the pain is too much to bare. Where has your mind gone, Ask for my help I am standing right there.
    We are connected please donít break our hold. The very good in my soul is at stake this you should know.
    As I sit here you canít even imagine the pain. You have cut yourself off from my energy yet I can feel yours like nothing has changed.
    So tonight when I sleep I am going to close my eyes kiss you goodnight and let that energy free. If I donít wake up donít be surprised. You should know you have been killing me.

    Submitted on 2005-11-20 11:36:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      that was amazing i really liked it.. how did you get the idear to write it..it was so sad yet hopefull and sweet..you are very powerful in your writing, how long have you been doing thise it is really good, and serius
    | Posted on 2008-12-01 00:00:00 | by Milky | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I really like this.
    The deepness and intensity.
    I really like how you put how there was a metaphor for them in your dreams, and how you are one person sort of thing.
    Really good.
    | Posted on 2007-10-04 00:00:00 | by Xx_bang_bang_ | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this was a beautiful piece and i honestly didnt know what to expect from one line to the other! it kept me goin tho.. i hope u dont feel these things..lol it's a pretty poem but no such a pretty picture!
    | Posted on 2006-09-25 00:00:00 | by blonde_honey418 | [ Reply to This ]
      absolutely beautiful......though I normally tend to skip through longer writes this one had me from the very begining...each word I drank in and lived......there is nothing that I can suggest...so you will only get praise from me....

    so does he awake? or does she kill his spirit?


    | Posted on 2006-05-22 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      Mmm, had to take a deep breath with this one. Isn't it ironic when you ache to be with someone, just to feel that person close to you, but you know in your right mind that this person is about to break your heart (excellent title).
    This poem to me is more of a war you're fighting in your mind and the struggle to put it into words towards this person (you know, sometimes after a 'confrontation" you sit and think, "I should have said this or that")

    "You have cut yourself off from my energy yet I can feel yours like nothing has changed"...Beautiful, I can so relate.
    You've written this one quite a while back, so I suppose it's little too late for any advise or comfort, but as I look at your submissions after this one, it seems like your in a "better" state of mind and hopefully moved on.
    Well done Phil, keep it up!
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by Lee | [ Reply to This ]
      Very impactful! For so long I looked at a man like he was the best thing for me. Then after a while it was as though someone snapped their fingers before my eyes and made me come to reality. He had me dying inside...and I think that if I would have stayed there any longer that my death may have in fact became a reality. I loved him and I always will have love for him but the two of us aren't made for each other.

    This was wonderful! I hope that everything works out and that you get that inner healing that you deserve. Someone will come and help take the scars away!

    Much love,

    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      It is so powerful...it takes your heart and it squeezes and makes it pound and pulls tears from your eyes. I was really touched by this poem...I think it was written well...the tone was perfect for the subject and it was really passionate and beautiful.
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem is touching and brings a true sence of a broken love. the lines in it make your feelings and thoughts easy to see and easy to relate to. for a poem with out structure it ryhmes good in the spots that it does ryhm in. its very free flow and in tune with exactly how you feel and think about what inpired this poem. good job. thanks for the read
    | Posted on 2005-11-23 00:00:00 | by snacky fish | [ Reply to This ]
      This is full of anguish
    so full of pain
    I feel the emotion is too raw for me to make a criticm. I agree with the other poeple who have commented...
    this is a private hell you are going through

    ...don't let it make you lose you sense of self preservation...keep yourself as safe as you can

    ...and make sure your girl reads what you have written

    best wishes KOTC
    | Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by ertha | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really powerful write. I am sorry to hear that you have to go through such worries in a differcult time of your life. I kinda understand what you are going through. Distance can cause alot of pain and worries. I hope everything works out. This is a really good poem and write I would like to read more from you. You show alot of emotions and feelings in this write. Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-11-20 00:00:00 | by sweet_innocence | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very powerful write you have penned here. It is very personal indeed and I feel I cant really critique something of such a personal nature. It reads to me like a letter to your girlfriend and there are some obvious problems going on that you really shouldnt have to be faced with right now if you ask me. You need to concentrate on keeping yourself safe and well and it kinda angers me a bit that she should cause you worry while you are over there. Anyway, like I said, I cant offer anything here. Be careful and take care.

    | Posted on 2005-11-20 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]

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