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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Yosemite to Death Valleydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 255
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 878
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1471



    Description:
       This comes from a driving trip I took this week. Each verse is a separate glimpse of the experience.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYosemite to Death Valleydots
    -------------------------------------------


    It was good to have a couple
    of days all to myself
    and to fill them with beauty.

    Fire inspired colors hung on trees,
    large rocks, lava fields, deep shadows,
    deeper canyons, contented cattle grazing,
    water running, falling, singing
    and pooled into lakes.

    Physically and metaphorically,
    it was high above the ordinary world
    and below it as well.
    It would be cruel
    to litter it with my troubles,
    so I left them
    in a canister somewhere
    along the way.

    In those places I am content
    to be a recipient of simple gifts.

    It was an unfair poetry competition
    for which I was ill prepared.
    The mountain, river or desert
    do not appreciate my poetry.
    Although they do hope I like theirs.
    It is shared whether or not I care.

    I became a sacred cow
    in a divine ranch roundup.
    I was culled from the heard,
    roped and tied by vision
    and then branded by love
    that pierces through my eyes.
    Images burned their mark
    on my soul and mind.
    I am released back to my field
    knowing to whom I belong.

    At once I am small
    on the landscape of grandeur
    and huge as I merge
    to be one with it all.

    Perhaps that is how
    we are with God.




    Submitted on 2005-11-20 12:51:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Chrys, once again, you amaze with your words, and your mystifying look on things, and as I read it, I know it's one I am going to read again, and add to my favorites, because it was just really good. You didn't want to take your poem to the mountains, and your poem was nothing compared to the beauty over there, but nothing could match the beauty up in the mountains, and you went for some R+R, basically, and so many different things in the poem, and all of them to explain, and I am so excited as I read this, because I get to read it again and again, and it will always say something different, and I wish I had the inspiration, or the raw talent you have to write something like this, because it makes me seem like a sham, and wow. Anyhow, another amazing piece that I love, and you are really REALLY good writer, and I loved it! Amzing job.
    Peace and much love,
    Aya

    PS: Adding it to my favorites list is too little, I read it, and I want to do more, but I don't know, but I know I want to do more with it, because I think it's so good!!
    | Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautifully written Chrystine

    I understood this write perfectly
    I really liked the idea you used with adding the last line it added new meaning to your poem
    It created a more powerful and thorough write
    After reading the last line I went back and read your write again
    It flows perfectly and really does capture a lot of emotion
    To me this was one of your better writes
    Take Care
    Ron

    And thanks for your recent comments
    I would love to go to this reading you are having but unfortunately at the moment I am without car
    I will definately try to make it thou because i definately would love to hear you reciting your poetry in person
    I will keep in touch and let you know if i can make arrangements
    Ill see if there is a bus that goes that far
    Take Care
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      A thoughtful, pastoral work detailing the many ways nature overwhelms the senses (perhaps proving the existence of an Eternal Poet?). Each keen observation was elegantly stated in hushed tones, as if the trip were a sacred pilgrimage and Yosemite a cathedral. In some ways this reminds me of the style of the British Romantic movement of the late 18th/early 19th century. Nature was one of their first loves. This was nicely, nicely done.
    | Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a pretty solid write. Good analogies and expression of emotion. The only thing is that I felt the first stanza didn't really flow into the second. The part I liked most was
    'It would be cruel
    To litter it with my troubles,
    So I left them
    in a canister somewhere
    along the way'
    You had some very original parts

    Candice
    | Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by punkgrunger27 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is lovely. Yosemite always reminds me of Ansel Adams, and even when looking at it, I can imagine nearly every image in stark black and white. I don't think this is too long. I love the image of the poet as a sacred cow (I feel a weird kinship with cows). "Contented cows" reminds me of that old slogan for Borden that said it's milk came from contented cows. Anyway, this is nicely done, and I think it works well, Amy
    | Posted on 2005-11-20 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      
    I found it a bit too long. But I guess it was good in its own way. Probably, some of the language you used was - at times - monotonous maybe a good idea could be to used sharper language here and there, just a suggestion. As with the title, I donít know if itís a personal thing but I reckon it doesnít fit with what you wrote afterwards. Probably it is due to Iím just seeing from my limited perspective. However I did not like it much. Good luck and keep writing.
    | Posted on 2005-11-20 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]


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    81711

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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