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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Player Dealing Cards...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AfricanPrincess
    ASL Info:    21/F/SA
    Elite Ratio:    4.2 - 222/201/31
    Words: 310
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 968
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2103



    Description:
       .......without knowing it i was shuffling cards......


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPlayer Dealing Cards...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    You played the "eager" card
    Falsely making me believe
    You couldn’t wait to be with me
    Two dates in two days
    -I was flattered by that deal

    You played the "loving" card
    On the very first meeting
    Whispering njakuthando from across the grass
    I didn't understand until the third
    When u created a moment of silence and said
    I think im falling inlove with you
    -My sight became obscured by that deal

    You played the "this is not sexual" card
    When I teasingly hinted I wanted you
    Said the feeling was more than that
    It was about finding the right one and knowing it
    You cleverly made me feel that way too
    -I felt my heart omitted beats by that deal

    You played the "distressed" card
    Called to say you packed and was leaving
    A conversation filled with somber suicidal talk
    Took full advantage of my compassionate nature
    Witty you knew I’d come running over to help
    -My emotions grew at a tremendous rate by that deal

    You played the "you a princess" card
    Describing the beauty of my midline
    While sweeping my hair behind my ears
    Not failing in fulfilling each promise to devour me
    -I became sightless by that deal

    All at one go you dealed the
    "I'm counting seconds before I see you again" card
    "You different to other women" card
    Together with the "You fit into my future plan" card
    Creating shared future visions and successes
    Even asking when I'll fly to meet your family
    -My control other all rational thinking was lost by that deal

    Now you have withdrawn yourself from my days
    And it has me wondering
    . . . is this just another card?
    . . . or is this the end of a successfully good deal?




    Submitted on 2005-11-20 13:33:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      This gave me an idea.. I tried something similar.. its called "jack"

    Very clever poem you wrote :) I like it

    shaun
    | Posted on 2006-05-28 00:00:00 | by shanu | [ Reply to This ]
      this was deffinately a different read. interesting comtrastization. i appreviate unique things. however i do feel that this can be better. maybe a slight differencail in contrasting, and a slight aray of colorization, and possibly synonmys could be of usefulness. very original though, i like the concept, nice
    | Posted on 2006-05-24 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with the previous comments it was different to se the card thing used and the way you relate that to the different steps of getting to know some one and the fact that men tell us what they know we want to hear and really it is just like cards because each thing that they do has been played time and time again and yet we are still eagerly awaiting their next move but anyway good job
    | Posted on 2005-11-23 00:00:00 | by always thinking | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree. It was a good slant on the deal of a card and you executed it very well. I enjoyed reading it and it flowed well from start to finish.
    | Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      Neat idea, and neatly done. I was really drawn into the story here, and the cards reference worked very well indeed.

    I was expecting a crash ending, and was pleasantly surprised with your innuendo at the finish.

    Great job, a pleasure to read

    be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-11-20 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


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