Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: nakeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: snufthepunk28
    ASL Info:    21/f/ak
    Elite Ratio:    4.5 - 244/178/68
    Words: 201
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 841
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1061



    Description:
       this is simple a dream i had that bothered me a bit. yet i couldnt believe how comfortable i was with my own nikedness...
    so i wrote the dream out simple as last relfection and to express.
    snuff
    sorry i cant spell check or refine it at the moment.when and if i can i well come back and fix it up so its flows better and the errors are currected.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsnakeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Up into the tower of the old city hall building there is a room with a view and a bed that belongs to you.
    I went up those stairs. knowing I wouldn't find you there. Opening the door the sun light shown in all about the room.
    I dont remember taking off my cloths, but simple sliding into the bed. With paper in one hand a pin in another I begain to write while i sat their.
    The covers tucked under my arms and over my brest reveling nothing but my bare shoulders, and that is how you found me their.
    you walked in. looking a bit suprised. then you took off your shirt and climed into bed exsoted.
    you layed there a moment simple breathing, then you turned and looked up at me.
    i put the pin and paper down and layed my head on your chest.
    after a moment i relized who you where and what i was doing and that i was nikade...
    after a moment i pulled away.
    you looked at me and simple pulled the covers up over my shoulders and tighter against my wast. then you sat up and walked away.




    Submitted on 2005-11-20 18:54:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a superb piece.

    I loved the imagery and the mood portrayed. Very nicely done.

    Simply fix the spelling errors, and this is by far a 9 out of 10.

    Grand, grand, grand.

    I will be looking at more of your work now.

    -Ethan
    | Posted on 2007-11-29 00:00:00 | by Inkybro | [ Reply to This ]
      Odd. The spelling did take a moment to become accustomed to, but oh well. This being a dream could lend itself to all manner of itnerpretation. Who was the other, or are they concept more than a person? Love the ending, and the odd writing thing was interesting. What were you writing? Clean it a little and it will be worthy of many honors. Don;t worry, I spell worse than you.
    | Posted on 2007-05-31 00:00:00 | by Ignis Fatuus | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent Write

    I am trying to figure out who this person was that came and tried to take your love from you
    Could it have been negativity and thats why you pushed it away

    A fantastic write!
    Very powerful
    Take Care
    Ron

    please if you have a chance please take a look at some of my poetry and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very well said. I'd love to hear you read it aloud.

    The spelling does need to be fixed. However, I have flunked spelling for more than forty years.

    I have gotten better lately, but only because I am learning from my spell checker. Language exists in my head as something I hear. Writing is a form of translation. From this I think it may be that way for you.

    Spelling can be corrected. It is the passion and openness of your heart that counts in poetry. I see both of those here.

    It gets easier and better the more you do it.

    Keep'em coming!

    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2005-11-20 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    81746

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry