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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Song of the Winddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: CaramelCandy
    ASL Info:    37 Female NYC
    Elite Ratio:    6.07 - 118/144/57
    Words: 502
    Class/Type: Deep Thought/Serious
    Total Views: 1380
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3232



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSong of the Winddots
    -------------------------------------------



    It was cloudy; a mighty breeze was brushing pass me.
    It felt callous and seemed concrete;
    making drops of rain stroll down my cheeks.

    Sturdy, every slap, camouflaging my face;
    in strips of black.
    I felt it hauling me back; it distilled me from destiny
    and the rage of perplexity.

    Why is this reaction affecting me?

    I'm weary as a slave in resisting;
    the wind kept blowing in conquest.
    It is a vigorous and powerful song and it whispers,
    "Come on you coward...be persistent,
    no one can strip or string me along.

    I asked, What's your cause for declaring a war?
    When you conquer ... you absorb all.

    It slaps me arduously; angered with dismay it spoke abashedly.
    All the tears and chagrin you're carrying.
    The frustration and pain; those expressive eyes a look of disdain."

    Who stained your presence notoriously?

    The wind's song is softer, feathery, and more at ease,
    never losing its possessive breeze.
    So I softly questioned,
    How can I not hurt when my life has been shredded in pieces?

    Hold up your hands and what do you see?
    I visualize lines . . . dark lines
    with no indication of grasping for long...
    lines that are old and tired of love.

    They have thwarted your eyes. Haven't they?
    What can my eyes perceive? You query.
    They are veiled with a delicate layer.

    The wind continued to reveal what I have failed to realize.
    My eyes began envisioning life with purpose.
    Hands that palpitated with life and held aspirations!
    Hands that were firm and dared to love, with strength
    no one could withhold.
    A tussle no one could weaken, my hands inspired no manipulations!

    Is it only a memory; a thought the wind is conjuring?
    No, I recall the endearment.
    Clenching onto that memorabilia, the times life held motivation.

    When the wind was a chime ringing in my ears,
    Your strength heaved me off my feet.
    Let me capture every word that they say,
    and virtually turn it against them.
    They will see, as sharp as an eagle's eye
    that I am the Judge of all times.

    No one can judge without comprehending another.

    I questioned again, Would your wind's song lift my soul?
    Help guide my every footprint, and demolish misjudgment?

    The wind spoke unto me saying,
    "Haven't your requests been
    answered with embracing?

    I will help in every aspect of your life.
    I will be your light to guide you
    through your loneliness,
    giving your heart what it needs;
    returning what they seized spiritually.

    I will give you a multitude of blessings,
    be serene and trust in Me.
    For, I am the Breeze,
    the Wind
    that once gave you strength."

    Posted 11/19/05




    Submitted on 2005-11-20 19:10:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    3: meh!
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    ||| Comments |||
      Just a couple of points. The backgroundstory of the poem niether is nor should be nessersary to read the poem. That said i realize that it at times can be a help to get into a poem, but in my opinion, any intention not carried in the piece never will be present, and is a sign of the poem not beeing complete. That I am not saying about this work - my comment has not changed with the knolege of the background.

    Diving into the last part of the poem, where I still feel there are some problems as to judgement:
    "They will see, as sharp as an eagle's eye
    that I am the Judge of all times. "

    Here you leave all judgement to the lord - as a judge of all time, it follow that he is also the judge of a specific time.

    "No one can judge without comprehending another. "

    This leaves the reader with the notion that there cannot amongst men be judge at all, as we are not able to fully comprehend all - or else we would be the judge of all time for this individual, thereby making ourselves God.

    As this is linked to a situation, it still leaves us in confusion as to what kind of judgement you are talking about. What is the reason to judge, when we risk beeing wrong, when the judgement is left to another entity.
    At best there could be talked about two different kinds of judgements - but this is not clarified.
    The line talking about 'misjudgement' is about elimination of it, which does not entail an other judgement from man, but can be the unwillingness to judge at all - thereby no misjudgement. This would keep the poem together, awoiding the right/wrong trap, which the 'comprehention' line sets up.

    That the judgement is on two parts doew not make it any better, that just raises the complexity of the matter. The judge of all times also points intertextual at the passage of 'the way you judged, you shall be judged', making it extremly powerful, but also put it in conflict with the next line.
    | Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by tZar | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm, I have read Mikes comments and also your response too.
    I think that if reading this without the comments before, I could come up with different meanings each time I read it.
    Now this is very deep and the write is very personal.
    That I glimpsed from the write as well as the response you gave.
    I only see one voice here but three identities.
    Each is taken on by the writer. The questions asked are from within you.
    Ok, I will rush this along. The whole thing comes down to being able to trust and love again.
    Should you allow yourself to feel and trust another or should you hold on to the memories of being betrayed. Judging each attempt at love on the basis the one that hurt you deeply

    The identities of one voice giving way to multiple reasoning’s. Each in their own right correct and just. In the end you ask for guidance to allow you to feel again that which was lost.

    You know this was a good write. Very deep and thought provoking. The emotion here was like riding a roller coaster. Fast and furious at times and then slowing down before the plunge.

    You have proven again your ability to write.

    Nice job here.

    Mike did a good job with his comments too. Awesome that guy, ha ha ha

    Respect and Admiration

    Clyde
    | Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      I see several people have written short stories to interpret this one, and I must agree with several points they've made (though not every point). The wind appears to be the persona of God in a form similar to that found in the Book of Acts (inspired=breathed on=breath of God=Holy Spirit/Holy Ghost). I'm fairly certain your pointing out to God the various ways He deals with you, (sometimes boisterously, sometimes in a whisper) as the moment demands. Within the breath of God, you're transformed and given purpose as your calcified flesh becomes softened (along with your heart, I assume), and final judgement for all wrongs done to you/by you is given to God and forgotten. Nicely done and fully realized work; very ambitious in scope. This one must have come from deep within.
    | Posted on 2005-11-20 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      I see a clear thourght throughout the poem, but is somewhat puzzeled by the moral of it.
    What I am thinking of, is what kind of judgement you are looking for. You wish to judge the ones misjudging, thereby demolisihing the misjudgement? Is more judgement really what you want?
    I cannot see the connection between the end of the poem and the rest. Love which cannot be witheld is a lack of judgement, and not something that strives to judge through comprehension!
    This said, I think you could end the poem in a different way.

    Overall I like the development of the poem, the breaking through a depression, into a positive lifeview, which is vary uplifting.
    I vary much like the symbol of the hand, beeing the way to show what moves people. Letting all that is inside us be portraied by the doing of man - this part is my absolute favorite, and so well put - thanks!

    -tZar
    | Posted on 2005-11-20 00:00:00 | by tZar | [ Reply to This ]
      in this write I will have to say Line only as a reference.

    wonderful write here gosh where do I begin? fighting the wind now call me crazy but I see deeper into this perhaps it is resistance in life or maybe even all the way up to the Father. drops of rain could be rain or could be tears. moving back a little the “seemed concrete” the “seemed” stands out.

    I’m a wee bit lost on the strips of black. though I did try to imagine a jacket being worn but that takes it out of the metaphor slightly. I looked up distilled to further get a sense of the context, I didn’t want to be thinking winery its root word means to drop. the definition I read as: to undergo, subject to. I like how you use the rage of perplexity and fitting it in with the previous it makes for a stronger feeling.

    the metaphor on line 9 is powerful same with line 10 the wind yet I get a sense of a metaphor with a personification. which leads me to believe it is possible this is a higher being of some kind. for even the wind has dialogue which has me stand at attention lines 12 and I believe 13 I only say believe because the quotations are still open. maybe a “ after "along" in line 13.

    I must the say this write has great beauty and strength in it. ok on line 14 after the "asked" and the comma you need “ and an ending “ after "all" in line 15. ok now a few words I don’t know I do this for my benefit and for the benefit of others who many not know these same words. this is a service I do with the utmost respect for those I read. first word is arduously now this may be to refresh my knowledge here. my impression of that word is something that is difficult/tough, I can say that because of arduous journey. but the dictionary I will use will help me out even more. ok arduous: difficult to do (well [[I was]] close) hee hee what else here? laborious. 2nd def. using much energy. I think the second fits in better. ok on line 17 “ before “all” and end quotes look good to me. on line 19 I don’t know if that is the same voice (wind/God) or the characters voice maybe separate quotes there or extending the quotes depending on the situation. your dialogue/language would make Stephen King jealous. the last def in this area of the write is chargrin embarrassment or annoyance due to failure, disappointment.

    now the wind’s force calming down a bit and thank goodness for that. yet still holding it possessiveness, I like that a lot. line 23 begin quote for question at how and (I think) end quote after the question mark after pieces. I believe the are two voices with two questions here. begin quote at hold and end after the question mark after see. if I’m wrong then you can adjust accordingly. I do believe it to be very important to get a sense of who is talking here. begin quote before “l” in line 25 end quote after line 27 after the word “love” I believe the character stops speaking there, well for the time being. begin quote and end quote on the entire line of 28 (for the wind/God)/// now begin another quote line 29 before what and there is where it gets tricky end quote after the question mark on line 29 ~or~ run it all the way down to line 30 after the period after "layer" I freaking love this you know hee hee it is a very good write I like the conversation between the character and the wind/God. line 37 may or not be in quotes in not sure there. line 38 and 39 could be thoughts. I think it is a toss up as to whether those are quoted or not that is out of my area of knowledge. ok I believe you resume the quotes at line 42 and have them go all the way down to line 46 end quotes after the period after "another" line 47 after the comma after the word "again" begin quotes and terminate those quotes after the last word after the question mark.

    ok whew what a dazzling piece. I do all of this out of humbleness I do think this piece is exceptional and has great meaning to it. excellent work!

    ~mike
    | Posted on 2005-11-20 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]


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