my world of perfection by Seedofbayne

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Submission Name: my world of perfection dots

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Author:	Seedofbayne
ASL Info:	19/M/MA
Elite Ratio:	3.37 - 55/82/27
Words:	122

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	215
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	756

Description:
hehe i had fun writing this

my world of perfection dots

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A wise man once said "there is beauty in everything."
the only beauty to my blind eyes is you.
all of my senses are tuned to your presence.
smell like orchids of life and love
the touch of a goddess in a majestic land
the exquisite song of a bird as it hovers above
you are my world of complete perfection
without you i'd have no recollection
of anything but you and yours

so for me myself and I,
Who was this wise guy
mirror mirror on the wall
he was the wisest of them all
he is me and he is you
i've never heard anything so perfectly true

except those words.....

I LOVE YOU

Submitted on 2005-11-21 14:35:12 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  WoW Mike Amazing write i love it truely - you keep this up and some day your writting will be amazing -
the only beauty to my blind eyes is you.
Its amazing this sentence - i think it is my favorite line in the hole peice believ it or not - i think it is beautiful - makes me thik of not physical beauty because i blind man cant see physical beauty - yet a blind man can see the amounts of beauty within from the heart with is the most important kind of beauty of all! ... I think you did a great job keep it up my dearest love -

I hold you in my heart
Forever -
Alyssa Marie
| Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by Thirst4Serenity | [ Reply to This ]
  This started out well, but the second stanza is kind of weak to me. It just seems a little light in comparison the beginning of the piece. I also think you should either use punctuation or not instead of using it in some places and not in others. If I decided to punctuate the whole thing, I'd make sure to do it correctly. You've missed some commas and stuff like that; your ellipsis should only have three dots too. I know you probably don't care though, so feel free to ignore me, Amy
| Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
  An excellent write
I really like how you incorporated a known nursery rhyme into your write
It balanced out and fit in perfectly with the theme you were bringing out
I really enjoyed this

A Great Write!

Take Care
Ron

Please if you have a chance take a look at some of my poetry and let me know what you think
Thank You
Ron
| Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked the references to events we all know about in the second stanza. (Mirror mirror etc) because they were incorporated well and fitted with the piece when other poems I have read didn't do it so well. What would have made this piece better was some more punctuation in the first stanza because all the elaborate descriptions are part of the sentance at the moment, which obviously is not grammatically correct. But despite that, you made some good comparisions and this served its purpose as I see from a previous comment, so good job on this one.
| Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
  i have to say that i feel the same way. this poem is a very good write. i can relate to this in every way. my feelings for my fiance are portrayed here. i appreciate you sharing this with us and keep up the good work.
| Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by frozenflame | [ Reply to This ]
  michael even after all this time my love for u onli grows, i never stopped loving you n no one else compares to u, they never could michael ur my everything in this world
| Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]

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