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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Unconditional Lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: babytinkerbelle
    ASL Info:    26/f/aus
    Elite Ratio:    5.25 - 310/209/42
    Words: 63
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1117
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 379



    Description:
       Just something I wrote last night. It is unfinished and I don't know if it will be a poem or the start of some lyrics. Feedback much appreciated


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUnconditional Lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I know how hard
    It has been for you
    To trust and open your heart
    To let your fears abate

    I do not hold it against you
    That you are wary of me
    Once bitten, twice shy
    I understand it might take awhile

    So when you are ready
    I will be here
    To stand by your side
    And love you unconditionally




    Submitted on 2005-11-21 20:51:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i like how you just threw your love out there. it was done in a professional way. i love it and wouldnt change a thing.
    -brandon
    | Posted on 2005-11-29 00:00:00 | by Leon Kennedy | [ Reply to This ]
      This is real good

    You layed your love totally on the line even though its not to anyone inparticular
    That my friend is powerful
    Your showing us your readers just how unselfish you are
    As I have said before
    I always look forward to your writes you show true emotion for the world in them something that is rare
    God Bless
    And I just want to say I wish to you and your family a very Happy Thanksgiving
    Thank You for helping me move forward in life
    Your Friend
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      You know... In that short segment, you said a lot. There's a lot of people out there who feel like that, so I liked it. Now, it's unfinished like you said, so I kinda wanna see where you go with it. You already started off well, so I'm sure you would've went on to get deeper into it. So I see it being a nice poem.
    | Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by K-Beezy | [ Reply to This ]
      Looks finished to me. I guess you could add to it but the statement has already been made and adding too it might make it sound somewhat desperate in a way, ya know? I like Gadfly's suggestion for that part. Anyway, nice job.
    | Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really cool as is but there were some changes you could have made...I think maybe if you made it rhyme the you'd have a more fluid flowing-ish feel that might help. There is always room for improvment and maybe you could go into detail about exactly what happened to the person to make them so cautious about loving again...or how that makes you feel? why is it you are so capable of understanding..did it happen to you personally? I think this is a good start and I look forward to reading the final finished work for this one.
    peace
    | Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the opening stanza the best. The third stanza needs some adjustments and one line added, which would tie everything together nicely.

    I would suggest it read something like this:

    So when you are willing
    This is where I shall be
    Standing here by your side, Love,
    Where your heart waits for me
    To love you unconditionally.


    Just a thought. (I know I am a sap)
    | Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
      I suppose I could have read your description eh? Didn't realize this was unfinished, I think it stands up quite well on it's own but if you decide to add on I will definitely read on...excellent start...

    Milo
    | Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by Milo shanley | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is very, very powerful. What a beautiful statement to make, I really appreciate that this just says what it says and means what it means. Powerful, simple, moving,straightforward..I would not, could not change a single word. I completely feel this write, nice,nice,nice...

    Milo
    | Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by Milo shanley | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    81876

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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