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Unconditional Love


Author: babytinkerbelle
ASL Info:    26/f/aus
Elite Ratio:    5.25 - 310 /209 /42
Words: 63
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1145
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 379



Description:


Just something I wrote last night. It is unfinished and I don't know if it will be a poem or the start of some lyrics. Feedback much appreciated


Unconditional Love



I know how hard
It has been for you
To trust and open your heart
To let your fears abate

I do not hold it against you
That you are wary of me
Once bitten, twice shy
I understand it might take awhile

So when you are ready
I will be here
To stand by your side
And love you unconditionally




Submitted on 2005-11-21 20:51:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  i like how you just threw your love out there. it was done in a professional way. i love it and wouldnt change a thing.
-brandon
| Posted on 2005-11-29 00:00:00 | by Leon Kennedy | [ Reply to This ]
  This is real good

You layed your love totally on the line even though its not to anyone inparticular
That my friend is powerful
Your showing us your readers just how unselfish you are
As I have said before
I always look forward to your writes you show true emotion for the world in them something that is rare
God Bless
And I just want to say I wish to you and your family a very Happy Thanksgiving
Thank You for helping me move forward in life
Your Friend
Ron
| Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  You know... In that short segment, you said a lot. There's a lot of people out there who feel like that, so I liked it. Now, it's unfinished like you said, so I kinda wanna see where you go with it. You already started off well, so I'm sure you would've went on to get deeper into it. So I see it being a nice poem.
| Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by K-Beezy | [ Reply to This ]
  Looks finished to me. I guess you could add to it but the statement has already been made and adding too it might make it sound somewhat desperate in a way, ya know? I like Gadfly's suggestion for that part. Anyway, nice job.
| Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
  This was really cool as is but there were some changes you could have made...I think maybe if you made it rhyme the you'd have a more fluid flowing-ish feel that might help. There is always room for improvment and maybe you could go into detail about exactly what happened to the person to make them so cautious about loving again...or how that makes you feel? why is it you are so capable of understanding..did it happen to you personally? I think this is a good start and I look forward to reading the final finished work for this one.
peace
| Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked the opening stanza the best. The third stanza needs some adjustments and one line added, which would tie everything together nicely.

I would suggest it read something like this:

So when you are willing
This is where I shall be
Standing here by your side, Love,
Where your heart waits for me
To love you unconditionally.


Just a thought. (I know I am a sap)
| Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
  I suppose I could have read your description eh? Didn't realize this was unfinished, I think it stands up quite well on it's own but if you decide to add on I will definitely read on...excellent start...

Milo
| Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by Milo shanley | [ Reply to This ]
  I think this is very, very powerful. What a beautiful statement to make, I really appreciate that this just says what it says and means what it means. Powerful, simple, moving,straightforward..I would not, could not change a single word. I completely feel this write, nice,nice,nice...

Milo
| Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by Milo shanley | [ Reply to This ]


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