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No


Author: MysterydarkPoet
ASL Info:    20/f/Aust
Elite Ratio:    3.13 - 157 /295 /173
Words: 322
Class/Type: Poetry /You left me
Total Views: 852
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 2053



Description:




No



Dieing inside-
Running from the feelings
that I can't hide-
It's hard to admit defeat-
When you thought you had won.
I thought I had it all,
When I watched it slip through,
the fineness of your quality
Proved to fine of a sand for my hands to hold.
I watched you slip from my presence
And there was nothing I could do,
Watching you walk away from everything
Leave your troubles behind-
It was a cowards effort
To run away when it all went bad-
Retreating when the battle was almost over...
Couldn't you see past the blinding corner?
That if only you had held onto it
Maybe it could have lasted,
Maybe we could have lasted...
Tough times end.
dreams last forever-
Not this one
It blew out the window
Like paper caught by wind-
Or..
Was it a nightmare that was going to end,
You ended it-
You body left me-
But your soul did not-
Like a child in a toy shop,
It stayed behind.
Walking the winding paths of my mind,
for years it stayed and i still believed
That you didn't mean to leave-
Give us your heart,
or have you none?
Have you nothing to give but a stone...
Give us your blood and tears,
As i have for you...
Or have you only dust and ashes to spare?
You beg me for myself-
Never shall i give you
once again
what you had before-
For I can see past the blinding corner
I can see past the black sheet of distraction-
Love was the enemy,
it was the distraction-
not this time my dear
For your heart is cold,
And mine has moved on-
For years i pushed myself,
And now I have left your soul
Stay in the toy shop dearest, i don't care.
For I know now this isn't real-
As you
Walked out on me-
I,
Walk out on you.




Submitted on 2005-11-21 21:16:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Watching you walk away from everything
Leaving your troubles behind

Your body left me-
But your soul remained-

Are the changes I would make here, little things like that I find tend to make or break a piece they didn't break it, it was a good write but I thought the passion within was not fully realised saying that you have some great lines in there to, so maybe a little shorter and a little tweak here and there would transform this into a great read

Later
V
| Posted on 2005-12-07 00:00:00 | by Vastmark | [ Reply to This ]
  welll its almost amazing .. and it has good sdrtucture and wording .. i love it ! ... and your cpompàring with a toy .. is awesome i have a poem like this too

i love these sentences:

"You ended it-
You body left me-
But your soul did not-
Like a child in a toy shop,
It stayed behind."
´
and this anothe one

For I can see past the blinding corner
I can see past the black sheet of distraction-
Love was the enemy,
it was the distraction-
not this time my dear
For your heart is cold,
And mine has moved on-
For years i pushed myself,
And now I have left your soul

´
wow
i cant say anything else.. justr love this poem ..
hope toi read more from urs
bye and take care
peace and love
victor

"
| Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
  i hate giving up. its sooo... final. i dunno this poem made me sad and i dont comment good when im sad. i liked the poem lovely lovely.
| Posted on 2005-11-21 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]


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