Cards by onetruesmartass

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Submission Name: Cards dots

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Author:	onetruesmartass
ASL Info:	30/F/Wa
Elite Ratio:	4.01 - 934/791/77
Words:	156

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	346
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1062

Description:
My spin on the Cards challenge. This is for my cousin Tommy, who died in Aug. '04 in Iraq.

Cards

-------------------------------------------

Going through
An old box the other day
Had me thinking of you.

Held with a rubber band,
Hundreds of memories
In the palm of my hand.

Cards you sent for birthdays
Some just because.
Silver for my wedding day.

Graduation from Boot Camp,
I'd mark where you were
With push-pins and a map.

A card of silk and lace
To celebrate the birth of my child
While you're in some far off place.

Didn't hear from you for a while,
Off doing your soldiers duty.
I'd think of you with a smile.

Then it happened.
It was harder than I thought,
Hurt more than I imagined.

One last card,
To remember your life.
It's crumpled, torn and scarred.

Put them away,
Swipe at a tear.
I'll show the girls one day.

Breathe a deep sigh
Put the box back in the closet.
And again, say goodbye.

Submitted on 2005-11-22 18:28:45 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  First of all I'm sorry to hear about your Tommy, I know what it is like to have a soldier in the family away at war and worry about what may come.

I hope this poem helped you deal with this loss. Best of luck to you, Jay
| Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by Senna27NZ | [ Reply to This ]
  awwwww Traci ya fuuucking got me a bit here.....I'm not crying but fuuuck this is sad and honest and true I assume and it hits home with a lot of people cause I'm sure we all have those little boxes with all the memorabilia-(sorry spelling)--very very touching, I'm sure this means a great deal to you /or it should.
LT
| Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
  Nicely done, Traci (as always)

One minor touchup:
"Off doing your soldier>'<s duty.

In this stanza:

"Then it happened.
It was harder than I thought,
Hurt more than I imagined."

I wonder if you could somehow state that the reason for the surprising magnitude of the hurt was that you already knew what you would find. ie, You've been through this box a hundred times, you know exactly what's in it and yet it still stabs surprisingly hard when you see this card.

See, there I said it in 324 words. The hard part of course is saying without messing up the beauty you already have.

My 2 hunks o' copper.

Steve
| Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
  How to cope with memories? Some say: let them go... but I don't think it's a good way. Sometimes you really have to face it - and you do. Very well written. Especially the opening and the ending with a "box". You really move the reader through the whole story and leave him/her breathless. Touching, very sad, still true and a very good piece.
| Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by Nightraven | [ Reply to This ]
  Memories good or bad we will always have them and should not let go.

This my friend was a very fitting tribute to this man.

thats all I can say.

~shawn
| Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
  Awww...how sad. It was a nice tribute too.

Very touching and a very good sense of style to it.

Not much else to say except that hopefully your heart has or will mend.

| Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
  OK, have to get a kleenex! You really came up to this challenge. I loved it! I never even thought of greeting cards! Nice spin.

The part about showing the girls hit me really hard. As an adult I have become numb to the saddness of war and just shake my head at the insensibility of the whole thing.

But what of our kids? How do I explain to me boys why it's ok for people to train and practice and get paid to go to another country and kill people??? The whole idea of having to explain that is horrific for me.

Anyways, I'm gonna go blow my nose. Thanks for making me tear up!

Love you!
Chell
| Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
  I agree, you did extra good on this write. It's very emotional, and streams with nostalgia and the hurt that losing a loved one can cause. I love the way you set this.. reminiscing through the cards he had sent, explaining each one and the reason behind it.. then that last card..
well, it was all very well written and I could feel the loss along with you.
This reminds me of when my son was in the Marines and the cards and letters he'd send home. I'm so thankful (even more so after reading this) that I still have him here to hold on to.
You should add this most lovely poem to that box of keepsakes.
Wonderfully written.
~Sandra

Oh, and a great addition to the challenge.
| Posted on 2005-11-23 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
  Travi, what I love about our challenges is the entire gamut of emotions and facets of life that we seem to be able to come up with...every time.

I won't comment on your subject, it's a sad loss, but I do know that you did the challenge, and your cousin's memory proud.

Extra extra good.

be happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  please get back to me on this one, did you really lose a child?

good poem though, quick short and sweet. you didnt use over abundant metaphors to describe the situaution you cut straight the point. all though...i am a fan of those large metaphors ;-)
| Posted on 2005-12-03 00:00:00 | by siroez | [ Reply to This ]

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