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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Gamedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 747
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 606



    Description:
       A response the the challenge to write a poem about cards.

    It may help to know the King of Hearts is also known as the "Suicide King". This is derived from the knife he is sticking into the back of his head.

    I hope you enjoy it


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Gamedots
    -------------------------------------------


    He anted up for an office fling,
    a passing passion and unimportant thing.
    It was a good gamble, so he thought…
    or perhaps he didn’t think at all.

    Contemplating the King of Hearts
    with envy and empathy,
    he is living a card bored life.

    He accepted the odds against getting caught,
    but now he resents his lack of contentment.
    He had not considered the whole cost of a loss,
    until he paid the bill with his best love.

    The ink runs on the faces and aces
    as he plays teary solitaire with a cheater




    Submitted on 2005-11-22 20:44:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i like it but it doesn't seem like its finished. it doesn't seem like it should end just yet. something's missing but i can't quiet put my finger on it...
    | Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by Lemmy | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem has everything...it's the right length, flows well, has dreadful puns (which i love!), doesn't take itself too seriously yet still contains a moral.

    very well done on this, it's a favourite for sure.
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by Senna27NZ | [ Reply to This ]
      this was areally interesting write...

    I loved...
    he is living a card bored life.

    kind of made me chuckly
    thinking about it
    grand finish to the
    challenge

    hapi holidaz
    Penny
    | Posted on 2005-12-22 00:00:00 | by pennymarie | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem and the tongue- in- cheek humour ( not to mention the dreadful pun)
    "he is living a card bored life.''
    ha Ha Ha
    I enjoyed this poem with its playful use of words, and I liked the concluding line, nicely laced with citric acid…and a wry smile

    'as he plays teary solitaire with a cheater''
    you write with a light touch
    and it is very good
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by ertha | [ Reply to This ]
      
    Nice. I like all your references to cards, and "card bored" is a classic.

    It's very "lessony" in a way - cheat and this shall be your fate! Maybe you could expand it to use teo-timer, flush etc. I'm sure it could be lengthened without doing it any harm.

    So well done, any piece that makes the reader wish it was longer is good in my book!

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-11-29 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Great Write Chrystine
    You answered the challenge perfectly
    Alot of emotion went into this write
    I really like it

    By the way I hope your reading went Good
    I am sorry I couldnt make it but please know I was there with you in spirit
    Take Care
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really neat Chrystine. the side of the story no one talks about or considers before they make that big mistake. I think this is very original and creative and a great contribution to the challenge. nice write!
    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this write is very clever...well composed and with a lot of imagination. And, it tells truth about what happens to cheaters.
    It is short, sweet and to the point and I think I will add it to my favorites because it holds all these qualities.
    I enjoyed this read very much!
    !doc`
    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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