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sometimes she struggles not to desire so very much not to love and more elusive still she labours not to love so very much not to inhale - too deeply so when that first breath does come her inspiration will not be small whisps of clouds that danced upon tall summits if it comes at all to love so much she trusts Trusts that even with closed eyes on her darkest nights a radiant red light will softly dwell upon her sleeping eyes enfolding its warmth around her that she may embrace and abandon herself in the exquisite pain of her wide open soul again and again she seeks to shield herself away from this love but she cannot remember how and so goes from day to day heart exposed embracing gracious trees - their gentle dancing leaves, gazing into moon's radiant face , understanding the passions of the sea, as they flow within her blood and loving her earth, with aching joy that sustains her bones and Loving a man for all that he is for all that he will never be with all of herself and loving this man and somedays she wishes wishes it all away |
I like your use of light in this poem to create mood. red and white. I am not sure if you meant for a connection between radiant and raidant in both lights. Also, for one you supply a source and the other none at all? I wonder from where this red light comes. I really like how the repeated words through out th epoem create emphasis and exagerated meaning. My favorite part is the one relating to the moon... I did think that the 3 - 5 could be condenced a bit because the emphasis their isn't paticularly effective but rather feels a little redundant. Otherwise, a very nice write. | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by Car va g o | [ Reply to This ] | ''sometimes | she struggles not to desire so very much not to love'' so very sad ''and Loving a man for all that he is for all that he will never be with all of herself'' and so very contrary…even sadder what are we to do with this woman torn apart with contrasting feelings? Lovely poem…just flowing down my computer screen…with a naturalness that makes it seam so easy. well done gasshills | Posted on 2005-11-23 00:00:00 | by ertha | [ Reply to This ] | This is a very good poem. I like how you wrote this, the form just gives such a nice flow to the read. This is so sad and touching and I think all of us woman can relate to these feelings of want and desire and love but also to wishing them all away. Opening up your heart and risking being hurt isnt easy at all. But, we must in order to enjoy all the wonders that love brings to our lives. My favorite part of this poem: | and so goes from day to day heart exposed embracing gracious trees - their gentle dancing leaves, gazing into moon's radiant face , understanding the passions of the sea, as they flow within her blood and loving her earth, with aching joy that sustains her bones Such a wonderfully written stanza this is. It is filled with lovely imagery and really allows the poem to reach the reader. Very powerful and descriptive. This is a lovely write. Take care. Lorna ![]() | Posted on 2005-11-23 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ] | Wow, this was really sad, but it was portrayed so beautifully. I felt so bad for the woman trying not to love, and not wanting to jump into loving a man with her eyes closed, and her heart leading the way beause she was afraid of getting hurt, but I think that's about half of loving someone is loving thm and trusting them to love you back because they say they do, but she didn't want to get engulfed, and involved in the pain all over again, and it made me wonder why she was so scared, but that will always be a mystery that the reader could only guess, but never truly figure out. Anyhow, this was really sad, and it touched me, and I really love it. | Peace and love, Aya | Posted on 2005-11-23 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ] | Women seem strongest championing a cause outside themselves, fighting for children, husband, family, loved ones, friends, jobs, careers, etc; their power is most often manifested outwardly. However, the flesh of their souls is so tender they seem crushed by what they've told others to ignore. Quite a paradox! Your style reminds me of some of my earlier work (please don't take that as an insult!), It pours from the page as easily as water. Nicely done. | | Posted on 2005-11-23 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ] | Painfully beautiful for me. I do beleive tht all woman are hidden treasures and unique spirits... | This piece showed the depth and desires of womanhood. The immense passions, yet the unbearable thoughts of insecurity. We have the ability to overcome all of lives strifes, and I sometimes beleive that our strength is often understemated not by men but by own own insecurites and high standards I guess all we can do is learn from the past, enjy the present... and bream big of our future endeavors! I adored this piece! Ella | Posted on 2005-11-23 00:00:00 | by stormyskye | [ Reply to This ] | |