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Martyrdom, pt 2

Author: Kane Martyr
ASL Info:    17/M/Kentucky
Elite Ratio:    3.28 - 197 /115 /16
Words: 143
Class/Type: Poetry /The pain inside
Total Views: 1121
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1022


I wrote this after some time away from writing. I looked back over my first post here, the Martyrdom haiku, and took many of your suggestions and wrote and more free verse version of it. You'll noticed the first line is directly from the haiku. Comments are VERY appreciated.

Martyrdom, pt 2

Blood pours from my heart,
unthinkable agony,
so that you might live.
the lowest of low,
the weakest of weak,
Darkness himself shudders in your presence.
I am bound by love,
by honor,
by respect,
to save your misrable souls.
All of them.
Why? I ask;
Who listens?
My path is one of hardship and pain,
yet no reward.
No satisfaction,
for i free those who should suffer,
along with those saints who should not.
I am unbiased in my mercy,
impartial to your sins.
I forgive all,
and take your place upon the cross.
Upon the cross.
My blood is your key,
freedom is bestowed with my last breath.
And then what?
My death, your freedom,
no parade,
no darkening of skies,
no moment of silence.
I am forgotten,
amid my own demise,
I am Martyr'd,
and no one remembers.

Submitted on 2005-11-23 13:01:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  i really liked this. it made me think of jesus dying on the cross. I think your point was about jesus, or that you would take his place if you had the chance. i liked it, the words took on more meaning than the title describes. good job, this really surprised me.

| Posted on 2005-11-29 00:00:00 | by insphered soul | [ Reply to This ]
  this was so beautiful. i could really appreciate this work. I love poetry that is open to interpretations...i really liked this one.
<3 me.
p.s.thank you for everything. you have been so supportive and helpful...
| Posted on 2005-11-24 00:00:00 | by Numb | [ Reply to This ]
  personally, i am not a hundred % sure who you are writing as, and i think that is really cool, it is a mystery to be left to the readers imagination, (it sounds to me like Jesus) this was a good piece of work, it was short and direct. nice.
| Posted on 2005-11-23 00:00:00 | by Metal Heart74 | [ Reply to This ]
  Very good job with this. I just read your haiku and I really like how you have taken it and elaborated on it in free verse. This is very well written and expressed. I like your writing style, it is very good. You have a good ability to express yourself with your writings and keep the reader's attention throughout the poem. I like how you broke up the lines and presented them this way, I have many writes where I do the same and I think it is very effective. This is a good write, I see nothing I would change. Nice job. Take care.

Not sure where the vote of 3 came from but this is definitely better than that.
| Posted on 2005-11-23 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]

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