Description: This ppoem is written as it is seen through a person who thinks hope will never come, but when they find someone who is also in a related disaray they can relate and shove a side their problems to help others.
My loneliness is consuming
My life's work is ever dooming
My friends betray me
My hearts a mess
My life is filled
with endless stress
Rejection comes
without a yes
My life is torn
yet others scorn
as thorns go tearing
through my heart
My mind is twisted
and full of lead
as useless things
float through my head
My eyes are filled with endless dread
That shows with every tear that's shed
Wait what is this
among the awful bliss
comes a friend in need
bringing with a helpless plead
so to this my soul will heed
to this desperate friend
a very good friend indeed
I really liked this. The rhyming was good, and so was the message you were sending through your words. And you are very right; when life gets hard, and your in so much pain, it helps a lot to know that you can have someone to relate and understand what your going through. Sometimes, all your problems can be solved just by one really good friend. I however, am still searching for that special friend. Maybe someday I will find one.
Great work, and I agree with everyone else, this was ver original. Which just made it an even better read.
this poem was very good, and quite original...the only thing I have to say that's a bit negative is that the rhyming seemed a little forced but I get comments saying that all the time and it didn't take away from this write. I loved your point here because it was so true, sometimes seeing someone who is as down as you are is just the thing to cheer you up that u can help them. peace
this poem was realy relatable. I loved your expression. I wouldn't change anything. sometimes all we need in life is a real friend and suddenly we have a new something to live and love for. great concept.
This was very cool, definatly all your own. I like the whole concept and how you put it out...being that the sight of someone else equally sad and in need comes along and there's no one better to help...sortta reminds me of this book I'm reading now "wormwood" one of the lines tells of this locked away creature trapped by a mean man in an attic and along comes this really sad dude who's carraige (18th century london era) breaks and nothings working and it says "but in a fleeting glimpse he caught the stare of a man worse off than him, his heart was split in two at the sight of this, knowing that man would wake up worse off than himself the next morn" This was awesome and I can't find anything in need of change. Peace
It was original and very creative. You have a knack for expressing yourself in a very distinct manner, and that comes across very clearly in your writing. Well done for another good write.
PS The he's and the I's were purely my opinion. Theoretical poets may advise not using I's, but I don't subscribe to that school of thought.
this was awesome. i the system you used was really cool and creative. i mean that i liked how you started off down and bummed and the main body of the poem followed this structure and at the end you had a light at the end of the tunnel, while i was reading at first i was surprised that you labeled it poetry friendship, like i said awesome! nothing i would really change
Submission Name: Beneath our Troubles
