Description: its about an endless wait for something that is to far from your grasp. please tell me what you think of this poem, as always those who give me an honest review of my poetry shall have his/hers poetry critqued as well.
were words fell -------------------------------------------
were words fell
this is where i fell in
where i dont belong
and if words could win
mine would end up wrong
so where should i begin
to start this song
back in time when
every day felt so long
every tortured second
that dripped down those walls
cried out loud as it beckon'ed
for its probable cause
and still
the blood runs down these arms
in a pattern forming so proper
that is like inflicting self harm
muffle these screams
and return to me what is mine
because these tortured dreams
is a sick way of design
You've created strong imagery with your word choice and it brings the reader to a place where your pain can be felt as clearly as if it had been self inflicted.
The line: "this is where i fell in where i dont belong" is very strong and sets the scene for the rest of the poem. Misplaced... misguided and unappreciated.
ending was nicely done.for me u trying to ryme this=hindered you.some of mine rymes some dont. when the ryme comes from the heart=a good write it makes.if the ryme comes from the brain=the write suffers.i believe all of my writes suffer lol anyways u are protraying youre pain well.u leave no doubt and ur talent is apperant.its a shame that pain is a great motivation.
i want to feel as you do whaen i read this. on a scale of 10=u hit 4 with me
u did show some good imagery and the picture painted=u almost finished
Submission Name: were words fell
