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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Search for More Than Fleshdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jussy
    ASL Info:    21 ...guy....waterworld
    Elite Ratio:    4.47 - 66/64/21
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 807
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 487



    Description:
       The title pretty muck explains it


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Search for More Than Fleshdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Through our dreams, I wandered
    on the dark side of the moon.
    My spirit sat and pondered,
    But I'll be back soon.

    Convex sounds and sights come
    fill my sences.
    As I walked through the garden of night light,
    my anxiousness commences.

    But I sought and found what I needed.
    My flesh and I are not so far apart.
    I salted and pressured the wound that bleeded.
    I can finally rest deep in my heart.




    Submitted on 2005-11-24 01:34:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      goddamn! is it ok if i stalk you, because I love your poems...and your vocabulary is very wide, you know what you're saying and it is very clear, and again the lines in this poem, I can't really pick any out, but I will, because some of them really stand out to me, like:

    "Through our dreams, I wandered
    on the dark side of the moon."

    "But I sought and found what I needed.
    My flesh and I are not so far apart.
    I salted and pressured the wound that bleeded.
    I can finally rest deep in my heart."

    Really the title is one of the best titles I have ever heard, it's so creative...and also the rhyme sceme is also creative, I don't know exactly what it's called, but I think it's ABAB CDED FGFG...right? that's so slick, well anyways, keep coming up with new poems, and I'll keep reading
    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by vanhokinshtyl | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. this was the best poem I've read on here today. outstanding job. i loved your metaphoric deliverence. it was so original for me, aren't we tired of seeing birds, bees, grass, trees. "as i walked through the garden of night" was so creative, and creativity is my favorite part of poetry.

    check me out/

    llcollins
    | Posted on 2005-11-24 00:00:00 | by L.L.COLLINS | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it. It has a simple message. The rhyme scheme is good but a little choppy. I like the line "anxiousness comences". I am a fan of making difficult words rhyme. Nice job.
    | Posted on 2005-11-24 00:00:00 | by St. Agatha | [ Reply to This ]


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    82162

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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