eternal flaw by insphered soul

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Submission Name: eternal flaw dots

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Author:	insphered soul
ASL Info:	17/M/Bacon Sandwich
Elite Ratio:	6.57 - 450/374/89
Words:	88

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	216
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	607

Description:
well, your just gonna have to make your own description of this. all comments greatly appreciated. because, if we dont critize others, how can we make them better?

eternal flaw dots

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Standing there
alive on solid ground
yet falling
in the water of death

wondering why
wondering how
seeing what is there
not seeing what is real

hidden from emotions
hiding from feeling
running away from it
running toward it

turning to see the water flowing
like emotions through a straw
we only see the one thing
which is our eternal flaw

try to get away from it
just to learn its much needed
want to leave it
but its too much to leave behind

Submitted on 2005-11-24 02:06:27 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  it's....weird...and it contradicts itself...def. not my fave poem...it has great potential though...a few of the lines, as i read them, kind of... "inspired me" i guess you'd say....well, at least a few ideas flew by my mind's window
| Posted on 2007-02-02 00:00:00 | by GoKart Mozart | [ Reply to This ]
  I DISAGREE WITH RyukiTZR YOU SHOULD KEEP THAT LAST LINE JUSY AS IT IS. THIS POEM IS GREAT. IT HAS ALOT OF ORIGINALITY. I LIKE THE WAY WENT EVERYWHERE SO FAST.

LLCOLLINS
| Posted on 2005-11-24 00:00:00 | by L.L.COLLINS | [ Reply to This ]
  This is not bad... I kinda see where this is going to...

~turning to see the water flowing,
like emotions through a straw,
we only see the one thing,
which is our eternal flaw~

Maybe...I said maybe. Change it to

~Turning to feel tears flowing,
From countless failure, yet still crawl
Cause we see only one thing;
That's our eternal flaw~

Hope that kinda helps...
| Posted on 2005-11-24 00:00:00 | by RyukiTZR | [ Reply to This ]

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