if you could... by sushi wok

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Submission Name: if you could... dots

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Author:	sushi wok
ASL Info:	19/f/australia
Elite Ratio:	4.12 - 64/67/13
Words:	102

Class/Type:	Poetry/Longing
Total Views:	736
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	636

Description:
if you could... if this if that. that is all i can ask. when will it become i love you? all i want is for my special some one to say those three words. but i fear i shall never hear them.

if you could... dots

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If you could see through my eyes,
What wonders would you find?
Why, you of course.
You would see how much you mean to me.

If you could hold like my arms,
You would never let me go.
Holding me, holding me,
Forever in your arms.

If you could kiss like my lips,
You would have one everyday,
Maybe more.
It would be sweet surrender.

If you could feel with my heart.
The love I have for you.
Could never compare,
To all the treasures of the world.

If you could…
Only love me back.

Submitted on 2005-11-24 03:30:41 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  it is heartbreaking when the one we love doesn't return those feelings.. the "if only" is
profound, wishing they could see through your
eyes, feel through your touch.. i hope things
work out for you, love is such a gift.

peace,
~Cat
| Posted on 2005-12-27 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  Very Beautifully put
I can tell from this write you have a deep love for someone who is not reciprocating
Love is a beautiful thing and sometimes we just dont see every way a person shows his or her love to us
Though we may not realize it there love shines in many ways
Stay Positive
Take Care
Ron
| Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  yeah it is a very sweet poem .. i dont know ibut i have been reading only sweet poems... wel whatever.. i m not good ... but well .. i like it ... good wording . i think and .. well
i think that love is not like you portrait when you say :

"If you could feel with my heart.
The love I have for you.
Could never compare,
To all the treasures of the world."

they are just ideas .. and thought
but i guess it is a good sweet poem !
keep writing
peace and love

victor!
| Posted on 2005-11-24 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
  hey such sweet poem, I like the way you are telling him everything from your point of view, that makes the poem very interesting and refreshing. I like the last line that is so sad, believe me I really can relate to it.
nice job
with love shabnam
| Posted on 2005-11-24 00:00:00 | by shabnam | [ Reply to This ]
  Sweet.. kind of sad.. the only if you could love me back part... but other than that it was pretty sweet. . But I would take out a like or two they were a little out of place..
Keep it up
Kimberley
| Posted on 2005-11-24 00:00:00 | by Blindly-N-Love | [ Reply to This ]
  Ah... how sweet, how many great lines would the world never see except for the muse of unrequited love?

This is certainly a universal theme. I like the vantage of seeing through my eyes.

My only suggestion might be to drop "back" from the last line. I think it doesn't add to the meaning of the verse, but that could just be me.

Very sweet.
Chrystine
| Posted on 2005-11-24 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
  This was really sentimental. good write especially managing to have your own take on a love poem can be challenging. I enjoyed the questioning title and how that tied into the whole piece it just made it feel complete. This was really good and I know what it's like to love someone as strongly as you possibly could maybe more and not recieve anything back...I hope things work out with this person. in the mean time take care and keep writing.
{peace}
| Posted on 2005-11-24 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.