The end of a longterm relationship, "almost six years", ending in a "moment", "a pause", like a "discard"ed "dented can". You break it into three stanzas, one about the duration of the relationship "almost six years" and of how quickly it ended "a prolonged pause", the second sites the causes "my negativity', "your intolerance", and the third a description of the mood close to breakup "intervals of / our unyielding silence". Very nicely done. Loved the form that you used. Here is one suggestion for your consideration:
<< >> neither
just like that, without repeating "forward / nor rewind". My presumption is that the symbol say it all, so why repeat. Just a thought.
First of your works that I've read, found it intriguing enough that I will return to read more.
This is a good poem. Very nicely written and expressed and covers such a sad subject. How tragic to spend 6 years of your life with someone to have it be all for nothing in the end. So very sad and I can relate to these feelings. I spent 7 years of my life with a man only to find it was a big waste of time. One thing I learned which was most significant is no matter how much you love someone, you cannot change them. I so wanted him to grow up and I thought he was still so immature because we were only in our 20's but then I spent the next 7 years realizing that he was still the same child I met all them years ago and I got tired of waiting. It is very difficult to swallow but when it end's it just has to end. Anyway, sorry for my ramble there. Just made me reflect on my own experience. A very nicely written poem. Take care.
I agree with Mimosa on the repeated the "neither forward nor rewind" part after each stanza.
This write was extremely solid and intriguing. I enjoyed the metaphors and symbolism in this piece greatly and appreciated the first stanza where you conveyed to me the ease of which we lose things. Six years down the drain in one f**king moment-that's life.
~there is a sickness far more brutal than leprosy, it ensures fatality and remains blind to its own thalidomide presence-to its victims this sickness is known as love~weepingprophet
I Thought you should have repeated the "neither forward nor rewind." part after each stanza. It would emphasize the idea that time has stopped and all of life's imperfections and vanities are revealed. But the seeming problems birthing other problems was strongly worded. I liked the thought that the words/letters were randomly selected and meaningless in "the intervals of our unyielding silence". Overall I got a sort of slide show kind of messege. One thing I was unsure of was the "< >" after the first stanza, it made me think of the 'fast forward' and 'rewind' buttons on a VCR but I would have used "<< >>". Was this intentional? Good job and send more, I like it. Thanks for all that stuff and all that other stuff, Mimosa