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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: You think you knowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: divine chaos
    ASL Info:    16 f nsw australia
    Elite Ratio:    3.14 - 15/23/6
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1269
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 592



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou think you knowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You should have known
    I never wanted to go
    But you never listen
    You always think you know
    I wanted to be there
    I wanted to stay
    And all you did was
    Push me away
    I could have helped
    I would have tried
    You thought you knew better
    You deceived and lied
    You thought me blind
    And turned your back
    You truly thought
    I'd never come back
    If this is the case
    Then it's you that's blind
    I'll always love you
    This was your choice, not mine




    Submitted on 2005-11-24 17:04:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      yeah i was going to say that it was like s ong .. but i think the words are too common so it doesnt have a good wording .. i dont know about the structure i guess it is ok.. but please you put more details and change some words.. and use metaphorical words .i think .. overall i think it is good ..

    and i like this part:
    "You thought you knew better
    You deceived and lied
    You thought me blind
    And turned your back
    You truly thought
    I'd never come back"
    i like it
    ... well keep on wroiting and hope to read more from you
    peace and love !
    victor!
    | Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, me and you write the same kind of way, I think that I might have commented on this one before, because I remember reading it, but I don't know
    | Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by vanhokinshtyl | [ Reply to This ]
      "You thought me blind
    And turned your back
    You truly thought
    I'd never come back
    If this is the case
    Then it's you that's blind
    I'll always love you
    This was your choice, not mine"

    ...is slick...

    Check out my song "I loved you to bits," it's saying just about the same thing as yours. But yeah, this is an awesome poem...and I love the beat of it too, it's like the Spartan cheerleaders on saturday night live with Will Ferrell, and some girl, that's how I read this poem, you should check it out also

    Peace.

    Codee
    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by vanhokinshtyl | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
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    12. Does it feel original?



    82211

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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