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    dots Submission Name: cold comfortdots

    Author: ertha
    Elite Ratio:    4.35 - 124/135/24
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 966
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 597


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    dotscold comfortdots

    She always waits
    at the edge of evening,
    poised in twilight
    on the brink of night.
    In shifting shadow
    where echoes linger
    like autumn grieving,
    in despair.
    Then uninvited,
    intrusive moonbeams,
    climb through the trees
    to find her there.
    the silver fingers
    slither towards her
    till they encounter
    her loosed hair.
    They stroke her face
    with cold light snaking
    phantom caresses
    wrapping round her
    and unaware.

    Submitted on 2005-11-24 19:20:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I really like this write
    To me it speaks of a Person who truly understands the beauty of nature
    Excellent Write
    Take Care
    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      of the comments left here I believe I must agree with wewak11, the first time I read it through I asked myself, what? then the second time I thought of death lingering in the shadows...anyway, my point is I suppose that this leaves it to the reader and their own conclusion...I like this lots

    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by Milo shanley | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a painting with words which is what I enjoy and strive for. I found this to be a poem I want to read more than once and savor the words like chocolate. It struck me as an original way of describing your feelings.
    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by BLee | [ Reply to This ]
      That frist i didn't get the title then after read it again it all came clear, good prose flows magnificently specially liked the line in the shifting shadow where echoes linger great line a lot of deep thought went into this I think good job keep tapping the keys look forward to reading more of your works adnil
    | Posted on 2005-11-24 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]
      terribly sorry but this kid "toyysruss" has some weird a opinions.
    this is neither vague, rhymeless, or lacking in emotion. at all. and i honestly doubt it was easy. but i haven't really a right to say, as a common passer-by.
    seems short, though.
    i love the use of the same starting sounds for multiple words in a phrase you've got going there... [theres some big word for it, i forget right now.]
    yep, thats all. v. pretty.

    "i apperciate" EL OH EL.
    | Posted on 2005-11-24 00:00:00 | by mordantveracity | [ Reply to This ]
      It's natural because the meter is flawless. I wish others would take a bit more time over their write to make it fall from the tongue as easily as this little tale.

    An enigmatic little story, leaving the reader to fill in the gaps...why is she there (always)?
    Is the moonbeam a memory...or something more sinister?

    Very neatly done, well thought out and executed, nothing but praise from me.

    be Happy

    | Posted on 2005-11-24 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      very descriptive and sometimes i wish i could write like this=i tend to be a little more folksy in my writing.this is a very poetic write and on that note good job.
    on another note for me=kinda vauge and it really illicits no emotion.

    not to worry bout all that,the poetic nature and youre word choices were excellent=it came from the heart=no ryme involved.
    in other words this probably came very naturally and made 4 an easy write

    i apperciate

    | Posted on 2005-11-24 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]

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