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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Every Shade Of Bluedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: vanhokinshtyl
    ASL Info:    8/M/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.09 - 119/200/71
    Words: 370
    Class/Type: Lyrics/You left me
    Total Views: 739
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2506



    Description:
       This song is about my dad, and how he was never introduced to my life, and it basically kills me that he wanted to have an abortion before I was born, and now he wants to see me (the choruses explain it all...(i don't understand...)), now that's just being an immature father...am I right?...and last thing, should I trash the stanza in parenthesis, or keep it?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEvery Shade Of Bluedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Can I paint you a picture?
    Because I've made my images of you,
    I would paint you white,
    and I'd paint me dark blue,
    You blend in with paper,
    I blend in with the sea,
    because your isolation's
    intricately drowning me

    Can I write my life story?
    Every page would be about you
    I could write 16 chapters
    on the years you've failed to use,
    you blend in with the void,
    I blend with your pity,
    Your isolation manufactures
    my melancholy

    I don't understand
    why you beg to visit now,
    'cause You wanted to kill me
    but she wouldn't tell you how

    (Can I ask you a question
    before I blow out my candles soon?
    Can I make a wish,
    just one wish before I do?
    When I wish upon these stars
    I often wish I could only delete these scars
    and start over with brand new arms
    and have my own personal renaissance)

    I don't understand
    why you beg to visit now,
    'cause you wanted to kill me
    but she wouldn't tell you how,
    and I don't understand
    why you've waited for so long
    'cause you wanted to kill me
    but her womb was much too strong

    I've turned every shade of blue,
    the darkest one because of you,
    and now these colors are bleeding
    out of both of my eyes
    And if you're ready to get inside her
    then you're ready to be a father
    but "you weren't thinking with the right head,"
    and you never guessed you'd be inside my life
    she wouldn't let me die,
    we couldn't say "goodbye,"
    she wouldn't let me die,
    inside of her and her mind,
    she wouldn't let me die,
    at your youngest age and mine,
    she wouldn't let me...
    she wouldn't let me die

    And I don't understand
    why you beg to visit now
    'cause you wanted to kill me
    but she wouldn't tell you how,
    and I don't understand
    why you waited for so long
    'cause you wanted to kill me
    but she wouldn't let you kill me

    You wanted to kill me,
    but she wouldn't let you kill me,
    you wanted to kill me,
    but she won't let you kill me




    Submitted on 2005-11-24 21:04:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      (Can I ask you a question
    before I blow out my candles soon?
    Can I make a wish,
    just one wish before I do?
    When I wish upon these stars
    I often wish I could only delete these scars
    and start over with brand new arms
    and have my own personal renaissance)

    Those lines have stuck with me (even if I just read this yesterday) they were in my head last night and they wouldn't disappear - more specifically the last three in that stanza, but they're still in my head on a constant loop.
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by painofthanatos | [ Reply to This ]
      OH my goodness, this is really really strong
    You honestly brought tears to my eyes.
    This is just wow...

    Although I can kind of understand him wanting to see you, curiousity killed the cat you know.

    This was written a while ago, and I'm curious...did you ever see him???
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by painofthanatos | [ Reply to This ]
      lovely lovely. i really like most of your stuff. not so fond of makinf friends with something sharp not because it wasnt excellent which it totally was but because it made me sad and believe me buddy ive had enough of that. this one wouldve made me sad if i hadnt been happy because i thought the metaphors were great. you cant keep me down with metaphors around. hehe i rhymed.
    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this poem instantly, it was a great, strong, and beautiful write. I truly enjoyed it for the sheer heart-felt emotion put into its words. Great write!
    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      The words were strong and although i'm not int that sitution i can guess how you feel. It was very powerful and emotional. I agree with PinkFairy you should make a poem out of this. It was really good.

    ~~Danni~~
    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by Poeticprincess | [ Reply to This ]
      I read this before reading your description. I liked it right away, your words are strong. I think you should leave the stanza in parentheses. I think you should make a poem of this. It would just take some small editing. Great job!
    | Posted on 2005-11-24 00:00:00 | by PinkFairy | [ Reply to This ]


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    82227

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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