This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password


Author: Visionary
ASL Info:    15/male/NJ
Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 20 /26 /8
Words: 229
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 896
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1364


Theres far more to this poem then meets the eye, but i'll leave it up to interpretation.


Why can I look back and see all I’ve done wrong
Let my prison mind muse all day long
Let my wrists dance in their shackles
As the warden man cackles
My mother once said these old words of wisdom
“With hindsight one has 20/20 vision”
Right after my collision, I must make a decision
Flee into the night, or stay and fight
In this world I’m behind enemy lines
Of an old familiar land
With my insidious eyes subdued with retrospect
I cannot see what lies ahead
What has manifested while I am of the dead
A mere automaton of fetid flesh and bone
When you see me, you see an unknown
“What the hell happened to you?”
Your patience with me is long overdue
So come strike me down, no I won’t make a sound
I no longer view life in terms of victory
Though everything I say is quite contradictory
So strip me of all that I need
Rip out this sustenance IV
Just strike the final blow
Put an end to this macabre show
I’ll never be like I was before
I know that you cant stand me anymore
But I don’t have the will to get up and leave
All my unstable sentiments do is deceive
And annul all that was once sublime
No one needs to win this time

Submitted on 2005-11-25 12:59:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  well. i dont know what tony had against this piece. we're all entitled to our opinions i suppose. but anyway, jon, you really never cease to amaze me. and i can see how you say that theres more in it than most can see. i'm not gunna be all "smart" but I think i know what lines your going on. And quite frankly it doesnt really matter what i think, because I have this feeling that when you finished writing this, it took a load off. so its served its purpose in that sense. alright. sandi's rambling now. to make it short, i liked it. take care. <3
| Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by Dimension_X | [ Reply to This ]
  well, lets see...according to your description, there is more to this than meets the eye, i would describe it more like someone sitting down and making a list of words that rhyme...just a long, SIMPLE list, and then throw the most appropriate on at the end of each line...almost like a pathetic rap artist to an overanxious beat...this piece not only didnt seem to connect with itself, the form was completely contradictory, the counts and measures amazing off, and the symbolism, yes, symbolism, an asset, though optional asset, of poetry, nonexistant...sorry, wasnt a fan of this piece, my advice would be to start over with an idea first...

| Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by nwproud | [ Reply to This ]
  This one sounds to me like a failed relationship. At first I didnt get that impression but as I read on further into this, I came to that conclusion. It reads as a very personal poem to you. Relationships go through so much over their course that many times people change over time. Fighting and bad feelings between two people, too often in occurance, change how each person views the other. It is sort of an evil thing to get to know someone so well. You see all of the person and not just the most obvious things. The end line here to me, signifies the very end of the relationship by saying the fighting is over and therefore nobody needs to win anymore. I dont know, I could be totally wrong, but this is what I got from this write. I think you did a good job writing this one. I dont see anything I would change. Take care.

| Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?