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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Made Friends With Something Sharpdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: vanhokinshtyl
    ASL Info:    8/M/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.09 - 119/200/71
    Words: 405
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Cutting or Mutilation
    Total Views: 830
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2759



    Description:
       This song is basically about an apathetic teen, who wouldn't participate in anything and realized when he got older that it wasn't worth it, he missed out on so much, and his first suicide attempt had failed, so he made sure his second one wouldn't because of the depression of missing out on life...so the moral is "Live life like it's the last day of school." I wrote this in the shoes of someone else (I also wrote this before that "Scars" song by Papa Roach came out, so don't tell me that it sounds like).

    (Thanks to everybody who gave input to which ending I should use, I'm going to go with what you said)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Made Friends With Something Sharpdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Stitch me together
    before I fall apart
    I cut myself open,
    (the first time)
    I made friends with something sharp,
    because something dull
    just made me exasperated,
    so I needed something sharp
    to bleed out all the pain,
    It inundated
    the floor
    then I'll wash away the hurt
    that I still felt after...

    I made friends with something obsolete
    that I used to know
    before it died
    because I thought I was grown-
    up, now I look back upon it
    and I miss it more
    than words could ever show
    but I gave it up
    a long time ago,

    and those were the days
    I wish I could change
    now every second passes
    faster than they used to
    those were the days
    I wish I could change
    now every year passes
    faster than they used to

    Change of heart
    but it feels the same
    my old feelings
    still remain
    I am what I am
    I accept my regrets
    and they haunt me all the time
    I miss what I've missed
    I regret not being there to know
    why I really exist
    I lost my old life,
    kissed my dreams goodbye
    What's a dream worth saving (anyway)?

    I made friends with insomnia
    now I can't sleep,
    I can't even dream anymore,
    because my goals aren't worth achieving
    that's what everybody tells me,
    well, I guess everyone was right,
    and I know,
    I'm not as perfect as you are-
    in your mind
    I'm grasping the air up there,
    because I'm way down here,
    I'm nowhere near fine

    Change of heart,
    but it feels the same,
    My old feelings
    still remain
    and I am what I am
    I accept my regrets
    and they haunt me all the time
    I miss what I've missed
    I regret not being there to know
    why I really exist
    I lost my old life
    I hate the alternative,
    I just needed some positive encouragement

    Then,
    I made friends with only thoughts
    because nothing's real anymore,
    because I don't feel anything anymore,
    I said I'd die trying
    but I tried dying,
    I attempted in every way...
    to save my life

    Stitch me together
    after I fall apart
    I cut myself open,
    I made friends with something sharp again
    because something dull
    just kept me so desolate,
    so I needed something sharp
    to kill all of my pain and it did,
    Then I fell 6 feet underground




    Submitted on 2005-11-25 13:32:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, this is so amazing i dont even know wht to say. These lyrixs are truly amazing, it says alot on how that person feels, and u actually feels like you know what that persons going through, like every thought.
    | Posted on 2005-12-07 00:00:00 | by Darko | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh my goodness, beautiful. Your words never cease to amaze me. Although they generally tend to be lyrics and I'd really like to hear them with some music behind them.

    "because I'm way down here,
    I'm nowhere near fine

    Change of heart,
    but it feels the same,"

    that part was one of my favourites, but I also really liked

    "I lost my old life,
    kissed my dreams goodbye
    What's a dream worth saving (anyway)?

    I made friends with insomnia
    now I can't sleep,
    I can't even dream anymore,"

    Just wow...you're awesome.
    Never Stop Writing
    -Caribou-
    | Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by painofthanatos | [ Reply to This ]
      that was pretty good man, no crappy over use of "feelings" that are expected in people, you did a good job in capturing what was actually there. except i must disagree with this line: "I just needed some positive encouragement" because, when you're feeling that away from the world, some little amount of encouragement is not enough to make you want to stay in this world, only finding a reason to live will make you want to live. i know from my own experiences, and can sadly say i still feel the same as i did then.. i think after you've had an experience like that its much harder to think like everyone else and be positive. but i rant. the lines: "I made friends with something obsolete/that I used to know/before it died" and "I miss what I've missed" i must compliment you on, i read them and was forced to think about them more deeply. the only suggestion here really is in that first stanza/verse (whatever it is you're callin it) you say "It inundated/the floor/as I wash away the hurt" which is all fine but you may want to rephrase that. ..the change from past tense to present kinda jarred in my head (but im weird like that) so yeah.. and the first stanza's kinda long, but if thats how you want it then that's how it should go. (you should try your best to keep YOUR thoughts up, not anyone else's)
    and no, it did not remind me of the "scars" song (which by the way i think is the biggest peice of crap ever) -i liked this peice and wouldnt have thought of that song at all if you hadnt mentioned it yourself ^-^
    so my compliments to you. you connected really well to the character, and that's whats truly important in peices like this

    -high fives from timachan
    | Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by thehappyfaery | [ Reply to This ]
      good stuff. i can relate to the narrator at times. the structure fits well together along with rhyming schemes. this to me is the work of a talented artist, i hope to read more from you
    | Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by dussin | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like your writes and this one hasnt disappointed me at all. for the ending i'd defintely go with the parenthesis it fits in better and sounds like a better ending for the song.
    i really liked
    "Stitch me together
    before I fall apart
    I cut myself open,
    I made friends with something sharp"
    it kinda sounds like one of my poems called hopeless soul.

    luv chaos
    | Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by divine chaos | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting write; sort of the diary of a masochist in the form of a cutting poem (or are these lyrics?). I would suggest some tightening/judicious editing in some places where repitition becomes a little overwhelming (ie, 'thoughts' instead of 'only thoughts' and eliminating 'anything' from the second to last stanza to facilitate the rhythm). The title is excellent but the last two lines aren't worthy of the write, so I'd consider tweaking or creating an echo variation of the third to last line. You have something very nice on your hands, polish the diamond.
    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      oh and yes i forgot to mention that in the comment, i rather like the line in parenthesis better cause, it kinda captures the reader (or listener) more. a little detail in your writing always helps.

    ZU
    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by Zu | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmmm. this was nice. even though, the topic isnt probably as new as i'd have wanted it to be.

    i liked the title a lot. says a lot. you know, kinda gets the depression out. there are no friends in his life, so he made friends with something sharp. that's how i look at it at least. the overall lyrical quality is good. but there are some places where you use really long words like exasperated, obsolete, encouragement etc. now, you could use them, but i always find it difficult to sing those huge words, and rather like to use simple words instead.

    keep writing, and no it wasnt like papa roach! (that band sucks so much!)

    ZU
    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by Zu | [ Reply to This ]
      I think if you choose the one in parenthesis (Then I fell 6 feet underground) it would make a huge shock and would make this song lyric so much more awesome than it already is! I want to see some of your gigs if you have them, I really do because from all the lyrics I've read, I want, no need, to see these things behind some music. You are awesome and don't you forget it! lol, great write. Another fav.
    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]


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