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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Struggledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Metal Heart74
    Elite Ratio:    5.12 - 72/61/17
    Words: 282
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 904
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1775



    Description:
       i just was itching to get the led out, so i wrote this. this is one of those times that even though i forced the results, i got something good out of it.
    Metal Heart74


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Struggledots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hunker down, for tomorrow night,
    a peaceful sleep will be far from sight.
    The rumbles deepen with the passing hours.
    Outside one observes the trembling flowers.

    Hunker down, for tomorrow's fight
    will most likely last until the night.
    The skies seem to know what tomorrow shall be.
    Its peaceful sunset almost seems to bleed.

    Hunker down, your strength you will need.
    The day will be long and then you will see,
    Pain and death are like clouds in the sky.
    Sometimes they linger, sometimes they fly.

    Pull it together now, the fight has begun.
    Try and wake up now, no time for fun.
    Early morning plaugued by struggle
    Many a task today will be juggled.

    Pull it together now, it's not over yet
    still haunting the day is one evil threat
    that failure to struggle and you will not surive
    that tonight no longer shall you be alive.

    Pull it together now, and look at the sun
    when it sets and the day is done,
    rest and drink will know you before long
    you and your friends will break into song.

    Rest easy now, your crucible is complete.
    it seems that death is something you cheat
    your strength and wisdom walk hand in hand
    with all your luck which sustains you in this land.

    Rest easy now, and try to sleep.
    Slip into dreams somber and deep.
    Wake up to find that at least one more day
    has kept you alive and wishes to say

    Rest easy now, your trial is done
    no longer now must you run
    You can slow down, but you can be sure
    tonight may be easy, tomorrow there's more.




    Submitted on 2005-11-25 15:37:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Very very powerful, i think the opening phrases of each verse reaaly get behind this and push it on. IT starts with Hucker down and end in rest peacefully , i think this is a really interwesting way to describe how we tackle the day.
    | Posted on 2005-12-22 00:00:00 | by Topher Vine | [ Reply to This ]
      Its peaceful sunset almost seems to bleed.

    get's off to a really good start this poem, liking it. especially that line...this whole poem strikes me as...gritty i guess. I can imagine a soldier reading it aloud from within a foxhole through gritted teeth.

    It all goes along nicely until:

    Early morning plaugued by struggle
    Many a task today will be juggled.

    ok "plaugued" needs to be changed to "plagued", simple oversight there...but it seems your determination to use the word struggle forces you to find something to rhyme with it...in this case the unfortunate juggle...maybe you could change the order of the sentence so it reads more like "Struggles plague the early morning" or something like that, morning is much easier to rhyme with...maybe "dawning" could be easy to rhyme into.

    This poem is good though, very believeable. well done.
    | Posted on 2005-12-21 00:00:00 | by Senna27NZ | [ Reply to This ]
      Every single day is for sure a struggle. Some days more than others. This, to me, didn't sound very forced. That's a good thing, because forced poems aren't any good. This one is. Great job!

    Stefanie
    | Posted on 2005-11-27 00:00:00 | by DeadValentine | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, I agree, everyday is a struggle, and it's not a pretty one either, lol. Well, I can tell you poured out a lot of your emotions on this write, and that's a great thing. I'm glad I read this, good job.
    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, awesome poem. Every day is a stuggle...and thats what i get out of your write. You have a nice rythmic feel to it. Keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by TwinkleToes | [ Reply to This ]


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