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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: deadly hopesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: my pain
    ASL Info:    16/F/aust
    Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 191/123/39
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Poetry/The pain inside
    Total Views: 192
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 431



    Description:
       hmm well u can c for ur self


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsdeadly hopesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Condemed to sadness,
    A slave of deception.
    Waiting for the sign of madness,
    Reflected in Deaths immortality.

    Oblivious to the real world,
    Lost in a smile of pain.
    My scream for help... my only word,
    In my sweet remorse.

    Trapped are people crying,
    My deadly hopes kill beauty.
    Everything is slowly dying,
    i want it...all to...stop.




    Submitted on 2005-11-25 22:16:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      That's so sad. You express pain so perfectly. I have a few favorite parts and a lot of free time, so I'll point them all out

    "Waiting for the sign of madness,
    Reflected in Deaths immortality"

    That is awesome wording. You're so creative. I also liked:

    "Lost in a smile of pain"

    Yeah... I know that feeling too well.

    "My deadly hopes kill beauty"

    Of course, that's great too. Every line says so much.
    lol I'm fascinated. I love all of it.
    Very nicely done

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2005-12-30 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really painful. But I have a couple of questions. What is the sign of madness? what does it mean to be "lost in a smile of pain"?
    I sence this poem had a lot of depth in writing it. But if you are as sad as this poem makes you out to be, then maybe you should talk it out, or better yet write it out.
    good job!
    | Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by Jussy | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this write to a certain extent.
    some parts were really good while others were not too much

    let me tell you my least and most favourite lines

    MOST:
    "Waiting for the sign of madness,
    Reflected in Deaths immortality"

    these lines very very strong and powerful... they managed to make the rest of the poem sound better to me

    LEAST
    "Everything is slowly dying,
    i want it...all to...stop."

    I believe that the way a poem is ended is very important and the most difficult thing about a good write. This seemed very sudden and the way these lines are worded is a bit confusing:
    "slowly every thing is dying
    and I live to see that stop"

    just a suggestion
    john*

    3/5
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]



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