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    dots Submission Name: Hopeless Souldots

    Author: divine chaos
    ASL Info:    16 f nsw australia
    Elite Ratio:    3.14 - 15/23/6
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1349
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 962

       um i guess its about not being able to cope and eventually just letting go of everything

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHopeless Souldots

    Just a hopeless soul
    Falling out of reach
    Sorrow feeds on heart
    Devours like a leech
    Bleeding on the inside
    Anybody care?
    Emotions overflow
    Everything laid bare
    Falling off a cliff
    Imperfection claws your skin
    Struggle against darkness
    Fight you can not win
    Head sinks below the water
    Quickly gasp for air
    Icy fluid fills your lungs
    Weight you can not bare
    Blood trickles from your wristbands
    Numbness ease the pain
    Knife gently hits the ground
    You can not feel the rain
    Phone, it does not ring
    Stays as silent as a mime
    Saviour is not coming
    You’re running out of time
    Fear of holding on
    Fear of letting go
    Of never waking up
    Of knowing the unknown
    Hear the sirens sound
    Nightmare fades away
    Jolted from the shadows
    But can not survive the day

    Submitted on 2005-11-26 02:36:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      "...as silent as a mime"


    "Fear...of knowing the unknown"

    ...are both very clever lines, that is my favorite part about poetry, how creative you can get. Yeah, I love the rhyme scheme, and everything you have to say in this poem, there is not one thing that I could change, this poem is already perfect how it is.

    | Posted on 2005-11-27 00:00:00 | by vanhokinshtyl | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this a lot. Its different than most suicide poems. Theyre usually pathetic with a "woe is me" theme. But yours really stuck out for some reason. I can tell you put a lot of feeling into it and its beautifully written. I love everything about it. Excellent job

    | Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved the imagry there are only two lines I had a problem with:
    Sorrow feeds on heart
    Devours like a leech
    It sounded odd when I said it aloud. I'm not sure why...actually, you can disregard that...I forgot what I told myself to write. Sorry. I like the way you put it. Some suicide poems are a bit pathetic but this one is actually quite nice. Good Job.
    | Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by impassive sky | [ Reply to This ]
      Depressing, suicidal, paints a gruesome picture if I had to say there was a line I liked it would have to be everything laid bare of course this type of poem isn't my cup of tea but i guess if one was into a poem like this they would say it was good I for one think as a whole it would of a tad less depressing adnil
    | Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]
      Frightenly depressing. It does get your point across. I hope it is not auto-biographical !The staccato rhythmn and choice of words puts me inside the head of a suicidal person. Makes me want to go find a patch of sunlight and stand in it to shake myself free.
    | Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by BLee | [ Reply to This ]

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