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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sticks And Stonesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: divine chaos
    ASL Info:    16 f nsw australia
    Elite Ratio:    3.14 - 15/23/6
    Words: 226
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 1232
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1400



    Description:
       its about my ex-best friend. we were friends for 9 years now we havent talked for 7 months and i dont know whether thats a good thing or a bad thing. ppl say they there isnt enough background sothis is wot happened. My best friend was bullied so ba it lead 2 her trying 2 commit suicide and then she ended up in the hospital. I moved away from her 2 years ago but we still visited and talked and everything. The same week she attempted my friend took me 2 party 2 cheer me up.i met a guy there who i thought was realy nice but he asked 4 more than i was willing 2 give. When he realised i wasnt going 2 sleep him he raped me. i was really scarred after that and i refused to talk 2 anyone about it. even my best friend but she just didnt understand why i was so hurt.


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    dotsSticks And Stonesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sticks and stones may break my bones
    May bruise me black and blue
    May leave me broken, scarred and cut
    But thatís nothing compared to you
    You stripped me bare with your worrying words
    And left me with no where to hide
    The truth in your eyes left me broken and sad
    Your words left me torn deep inside
    You knew me better than I knew myself
    Every secret, detail and fear
    Nothing was left unsaid between us
    You could always lend an ear
    So much had passed between us
    We were best friends for 9 years
    In 2 seconds we were finished
    And we didnít even shed any tears
    I guess we were both pretty screwed up
    We were both hurt but couldnít speak
    He hurt me when you couldnít save me
    But you had your own problems that week
    We talked for hours on end
    Yet you knew there were some things unsaid
    I didnít ask about your bandaged wrists
    So why did you ask 'bout his bed?
    You knew that I couldnít tell you
    And still you wanted to hear
    Confessions are thing one but memories are different
    When theyíre totally drenched in fear
    Your persistence drove me over the edge
    Memories plagued my mind
    If only you'd listened and not questioned so much
    I wouldn't have left you behind you behind




    Submitted on 2005-11-26 02:50:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is pretty sad...the sticks and stones anology was a good tool to understand how far back you went. I liked this though I can't say I relate to the whole raped thing or your friend's pain but I can relate to having a friend who your shifting away from...and i"m not sure if I want to stay friends cause it feels to me like we're only there for our old times' sake, we've been friends for 7 years. anyway I liked the imagry here though the end kinda dropped off some of the emotion you began with...that's ok though cause all things considered this was a pretty good write.
    peace
    | Posted on 2005-11-27 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Thats so sad... very nicely written though. The details and wording are perfect. Flow and rhyme are good too. I cant really relate, but I could feel what you were saying. I hope things get better for you. Good luck with everything. Great job

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this write

    I do feel that you lost a little of the emotion this poem was carrying near the end
    but its nothing that cant be fixed with a little retouching
    You let out a lot of emotion with this write
    I know it will help you heal from the hurt
    Take Care
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      It started off with a good start then lost something along the way , wasn't as clear of a picture as it could of been i think but maybe with a bit of a rewrite you might be able to pull it off usually when one is close to another its takes a lot to destroy a long standing friendship and you didn't really make it clear what it was thattore that friend ship apart
    | Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the way you started off with this because it does make me think of a long time childhood relationship, but then it gets confusing and something more specific is needed for me to understand what is going on between these 2. Or 3...maybe it is a love triangle ? Tragic that someone would cut their wrists over it, but usually suicide attempts are a cry for help and attention, so maybe that angle could be developed more. It certainly held my interest. :)
    | Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by BLee | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an interesting poem. A good release of some bottled up emotions here. I think you could provide a bit more insight to the reader though as to why this nine year friendship ended. All you really say is that there were questions about his bed? I would interpret that as sexually based questions but I still dont see the significance of what was so bad that it ruined such a long standing friendship. And what do you mean by "you knew I couldnt tell you?" If you were so close then why couldnt you tell? This poem leaves me with lots of questions. It just doesnt seem to be a fight significant enough to lose this friend over. And I must say, if she is trying to kill herself, then she isnt really thinking right in the first place. I dont know, I am kinda lost with this, not enough insight for an outside person to really understand. But, people do tend to fight over the smallest of issues, but usually make up when it is a fight over something insignificant. Overall, this is well written, I just think it is too vague to fully understand. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]


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