I think you've picked the perfect title here for a couple of reasons.
First, this piece is about harmony. There's a connection between the style of art, the "style" of religion and the "style" of the land. All of that is connected through the culture. By titling the piece with the name of the place, you're giving us a wall on which to hang our mental picture.
The second reason, is that it told me I wasn't in Ireland any more! LOL I've read so many of your pieces on Ireland lately, that a sandstone buddha would have seemed really odd in the middle of the rolling green hills.
it is a nice observation. and I like that you write so much about the world around you, not just your world but everything that inspires you. I love that you write with your mom. that is the coolest thing I've ever heard. my son writes rap songs. he reads my poetry sometimes and once told me he could never write like me. never? he already writes better than me, just in a different form. I should be so lucky to have him one day want to write with me.
After reading this a good number of times .. I was wondering what the picture looked like . .. that you were looking at. I guess what I was wondering was whether the Buddha .. chiselled .. does normally indicate that it has been changed by human hands .. although since there is no other indication of manipulation or human made artifacts . it seems more natural in a way .. as if natures change and flow made out the shape of a buddha .. I guess I am wondering whether you are talking about a human made clif-face into the shape of a specific Buddha .. the Buddha person .. or more of a re presentation of his spirit ..fronting his shadow .. I might be confusing this image ..I'm not sure ..
I disagree a little with some of the changes suggested by others here .. I do think you should change the first line to
sand-toned cliff-face
as this lookes quite visually balanced as well ..
i think it is .. as I read it . essential for the poem that you keep the line
arms folded over a stone heart
the way it is .. if yo ubreak this up it losses some of the essence of the full image in my mind ..
in the last line .. dunno if you need to say 'he is' .. at one with his land .. stands fine and strong by itself ..
thansk for an awesome little gem ..to the both of you ..
First, I'm glad to know the connection you have, and I didn't! I have read this over and over and it sings to me like a mantra. The image of "fronts his shadow" is priceless and says volumes about Buddhism in general. "No, we don't deny the shadow is there by becoming saccharin and artificial" is what this conveys to me. That idea, alone expresses the misuse of Christianity we're experiencing right now. And though my prophetic choice is the way of love, we've a long way to get there.
Sand-toned cliffface{Sand-toned cliff face} chisselled into a Buddha {chiselled Buddha} who fronts {fronts His own} his own serene shadow {serene shadow} arms folded over a stone heart {arms fold, stone heart} he is at one with the land {at one with His land}
so you might ask, why the change in tense to present for "arms fold", I could see him doing this now and that personifies being in the moment.
Thanks for the intriguing poem to play with, maybe some of this helps. And then it reads great just as it is. After all, I think I read it eight times before I even began writing. That just doesn't happen! Thanks for sharing.
Forgive me Selina but I'm gonna tamper with this... like I usually do with your writes lol.
First off, how is a cliff-face chiselled into a Buddha? Isn't it the other way around? With that in mind I would change it slightly around to make it fit with a more logical sequence to it.
It should be 'cliff-face' and 'chiselled', just a couple of typos I noticed.
Now, this is what I did after turning that whole Buddha/cliff-face thing around...
Buddha, chiselled into a sand-toned cliff-face,
fronts his own serene shadow.
Arms folded over a stone heart; he is at one with this land.
I spaced this out to give it more impact. It seems to have three distinct ideas so I divided it accordingly. I also changed one word in the last line from 'the' to 'this' to make it more personal. I also added some punctuation and capitals to make it look aesthetically more pleasing in my opinion, and also to give the reader the required pauses in between.
After reading this, I do like your minimalism but at the same time I think you could greatly explore this and bring it full circle in more fleshed-out imagery. There's enough for me to get my teeth into, but at the same time, it still feels like an entree before the main meal - you know what I mean?
Another note: remember something in a comment (possibly to your mother) about a tanka's form? I think it's 5-7-5 7-7 - you could almost adapt this to fit into its syllable restriction/quota... just a thought but some lines already fit.
But what do I know? I tamper far too much, I know hahaha. Still, they're only suggestions. Tell me if you like them or not.
Nice write, I really like these minimalist type of poems.
Upon first look, I saw your poem as a straightforward description of a Buddha looking out over the ocean or something like that. After rereading it, the poem switched meanings on me, and it became an ironic, almost sardonic, account. I’ll explain what I mean. Line 1 arouses a simple, majestic image of a cliff. Just as that image is established, we’re are told its been “chiseled” (which I saw as a violent process) into a Buddha, a non-violent thing. Taking “fronts” to mean face in opposition and not just simply to face, this hostile effect is continued. It goes on to be contrasted by the “serene shadow” but asserted by the image of line 5. Interpreting your poem thus, the last line has a nice sarcastic ring. Anyway, that was just a connection I made.
As for criticism, I’d consider spacing the lines (maybe even breaking up a few) so the whole piece doesn’t seem so scrunched together. I’d probably think about adding punctuation as well.
I'm not sure where you saw the picture, internet or otherwise, but maybe it'd be beneficial to put it up here. Just some food for thought. Anyway,.. I enjoyed this as much as I could, and that, of course, is a subjective statement. I find a lot of poetry is above me and I'm hindered by it's depth, and this was a prime example, but I'll share with what i got from reading it. Taken figuratively, I think you're alluding to the undertones of peace that resonate within this land. I feel as if everything was/is totally balanced here. The reference of Buddha only seems to further illuminate this idea.. The imagery was key in the description here, and it was very much like a portrait. Loved the effectiveness of your word placement.. anyway, great piece and refreshing representation/subject. Hopefully I didn't over-simplify this in my interpretation.. pZ out..
Rather short piece maybe you could add some lines more so as to get the message across more effectively. Likewise you could explain or give some hints about the title (particularly the word “Parlannaruwa”) inasmuch as it doesn't mean anything to me although this may be due to my limited perspective. But I did a search in order to find what it meant but I found nothing. I figured that a logical explanation would be that is written in another language. I did enjoy the imaginary provided by such a short piece though. Good luck and keep writing. Ethan.
Submission Name: Parlannaruwa, Sri Lanka
