Live under the vast sands
Breathe blunders of blind hands
Masked flaming detached thumbs
Asked for the rematch crumbs
Soothe after soothe
Move after move
When will you send
Mends to kill bends
Shear the dawn of light
Clears the groans of sight
Okay I loved this poem it was short and easy to fallow, why dont you try getting deeper with some of the stuff you have in you r head...use it. (winks)
There is something about this I like. It's the rhyming. It helps the reader, almost gives the plot away. May I make a suggestion with this one also?
Live under the vast sands Breathe blunders of blind hands Masked flaming detached thumbs [*]Asking to rematch crumbs[*] Soothe after soothe Move after move When will you send Mends to kill bends Shear the dawn of light Clears the groans of sight
I did not quite grasp this one. I'm not really certain of what you're trying to convey here. To my view, and correct me if I'm wrong, stanza 2 seems to be a pejorative remark towards politicians... or people that control our lives in a way ... I don't know ... Then I couldn't for the life of me figured out what you were endeavouring to say through this line namely the third one "Masked flaming detached thumbs" it sounds deep and profound and quite elaborate but I don't see it significance or meaning for that matter. I hope you could elaborate on that, I'd really like to know. Thereafter in the line 4 I saw something similar to line 2. Subsequently we have "Soothe after soothe Move after move" That can be taken as an immediate reference of our lives ... especially when we get entangled in pitfalls or difficult situations which are so difficult to cope with. The rest is a bit puzzling, at least to me, I tried to fathom what you were trying to say but it was just too ambiguous for such purposes. Hope you don't take all this as an attack because that wasn't my intention what- so- ever. Take care. Ethan
Submission Name: Burning Blindness
