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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Forever Moredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: adnil
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 514/286/57
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 854
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 811



    Description:
       i actually wrote this for my grandson, but I believe this still a child in all of us so I thought I'd share it with all of you
    adnil


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsForever Moredots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dragons flew across the lands once upon a time
    While wizards waved their magical spells
    Knights in shinning armor ,saved ladies in distress
    And chivalry was put to its greatest test
    A time filled with beauty and mystery
    With castles and dungeons ever so eerie
    Myths and legends spring from this well
    When once upon a time magic and fairies dwelled
    As little mischievous pixies and trolls
    Played pranks on the good fairy folks
    Now the wizards,fairies and dragons
    Pixies and hobbit's have long since gone..
    Except in this brightly lit land in time
    Where by the moon light they dance
    In a make believe world that still enchants
    Colorful fire breathing dragons soar
    Living on..In the forever more..




    Submitted on 2005-11-26 22:52:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was really cute...did he like it? there was some awesome imagry but I Think the flow felt a little cut up and off in a few places...no big deal I think that wasn't your main intent with this one. overall nice...brought back alot of memeories..
    peace
    | Posted on 2006-02-05 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh this one I like Linda
    How in the world did I miss this one when you first put this out
    This write quickly brings me back to a time I never truly left called my childhood
    You know I can honestly say that is one of the reasons I am as positive as I am is because
    I never lost that inner child
    Thank You for writing this
    As I leave your page I am getting ready to travel aboard a dragon to fight negativity once again
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Really cute poem, I enjoyed reading it very much. It has a childish tone, but that’s good, it fits nicely. The flow is good.
    And you are right, there is a child in all of us, and if there is not, well it should be.
    I’m in love with “Lord of the rings”, and I was about 24 when I red it for the first time
    | Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]
      There are lots of delightful images in this poem…I must admit I am a sucker for dragons my self…
    I do have a coupe of niggles though…I hope you wont mind my saying….but you use the phrase 'once upon a time ' in line one and again in line eight
    maybe you should cut one of them….
    and in line two you have ' While wizards waved their magical spells'
    the word 'waved' gives me problems
    I think it should be waved their magic wands
    or
    wove their magic spells

    But generally this is an enchanting poem, and it would be well worth a little tidying up…thanks for sharing it….. '
    'A time filled with beauty and mystery''
    the little child you wrote it for is very lucky indeed
    | Posted on 2005-11-29 00:00:00 | by ertha | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem did'nt much make since to me. Also, the rymeing was on and off on different lines. I like the way you painted a picture with your words though. Very creative. Creativeness counts most in poetry. Off course like all writes, this poem has potential, Just maybe fix up the ryme scheme a little bit and there ya go!
    great effort!
    | Posted on 2005-11-27 00:00:00 | by Jussy | [ Reply to This ]
      its got a really nice flow and uses amazing imagery. paints a magnificent picture in my mind and reminds me of the fairytales my mum used 2 read me when i was little.
    its a really good write

    chaos
    | Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by divine chaos | [ Reply to This ]


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