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    dots Submission Name: That Feelingdots

    Author: miss__smiles
    ASL Info:    16/f/Soo, Ont
    Elite Ratio:    3.28 - 117/110/20
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 986
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 733

       This is just the start. I've had bad writers block for a while now, but I kinda forced myself into trying. Let me know if I should keep going with this!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThat Feelingdots

    You'd look deep into my eyes
    Unlocking the beauty inside
    I embrace your love
    From that feeling, I no longer hide.
    So powerful, it's over whelming
    I can't get my mind around it
    Amazing, and so wonderful
    My heart can only flip.
    Hiding from the truths
    All that we could share
    I hid, but my heart is now open
    My feelings, I'm ready to bare.
    I can't deny that feeling
    Being hid for much too long
    Not expressing in a simple poem
    Or expressed in a lovely song.
    That feeling I now embrace
    With your love and your kiss
    A simple yes, for all of it
    To think what I would've missed.

    Submitted on 2005-11-26 22:55:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I love your work! I'm still convinced you should be a lyricist. The poem reads well, but set to music I think it would be perfect. Call me biased but I swear its begging for a musical score. My favorite lines are:

    "You'd look deep into my eyes
    Unlocking the beauty inside"

    It reminded me of looking into the eyes of my sweetheart and feeling more beautiful because of what I saw in his eyes as I let him look into mine. At times the flow of the poem was not quite right. Perhaps I read it wrong. The feeling and mental image were without a doubt clear. I very much enjoyed reading your poem and look forward to reading the next.
    | Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by Toadslayer | [ Reply to This ]
      i think you could go on with this piece although i have to agree with the other comment its nice just the way it is but i don't really like the ending of the poem it confused me at first but then when i read it a second time i got your point. the first two lines however were nicely written i'm not a fan of love poems but this one was a nice one.
    ++My Pain++
    | Posted on 2005-11-27 00:00:00 | by my pain | [ Reply to This ]
      I think it's pretty good...You could stop it there, might not want to carry on too much though. 'Hid, it's been for too long' doesn't quite sound right, consider changing it. Overall greatness!
    | Posted on 2005-11-26 00:00:00 | by EmptyPromise_5 | [ Reply to This ]

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