[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: a short notedots

    Author: graeme
    ASL Info:    33/M/Maple Ridge B.C. Can
    Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 26/43/19
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1194
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 736

       I really wasn't sure if Iwanted to share this. Here it is though.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsa short notedots

    "death seems so much clearer
    the closer i get to it"
    those are the words that live on after her
    in a notebook
    on the shelf
    of the apartment
    as though she knew

    "no one's giving up" i said
    a smile and "i am" she answers
    her last words and a wave
    the cold hospital room
    so much colder once she's left
    for good

    romance books
    they were her salvation
    candy turned to words
    shelves full of them
    pink covers with the same man
    holding a different woman on every one
    and a notebook in between
    the bitter with the sweet

    Submitted on 2005-11-27 03:19:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i enjoyed this immensely. feedback more the compliments. hmm. i don't understand this site. there's nothing i'd change about this, which is as much of a compliment as any articulate person could give, because i hate most poetry. i really do.
    | Posted on 2005-12-04 00:00:00 | by lovefatal | [ Reply to This ]
      This was one of the most deeply personal poems I've ever read. No wonder you were hesitant to share it. I'm glad you did though, it was amazing, simple and sweet and sad, and just... really great. Thanks for sharing this.

    | Posted on 2005-11-27 00:00:00 | by punkgrunger27 | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed reading this. It is hard being there after someone near and dear to you dies and everything of theirs is left...kind of seems cold and not really real until it all hits you. This is an intersting view. I'm really glad you did share this. Becuase i noticed in your description you weren't sure if you were going to share it. Well i enjoyed it...

    | Posted on 2005-11-27 00:00:00 | by MiKkI25 | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice wording. I enjoyed how calm it seemed to be, the aftermath of death leaving everything empty and cold. Everything that was bad before is ten times worse and everything that should have been seen has come clear moments too late.
    | Posted on 2005-11-27 00:00:00 | by impassive sky | [ Reply to This ]
      Immediately brought a scene to my mind and I felt I could see 2 characters and feel the pain between them. I loved the phrase " romance books they were her salvation candy turned to words" . That is creative and original . I would like to read more. :)
    | Posted on 2005-11-27 00:00:00 | by BLee | [ Reply to This ]
      "Graeme---You have packed a lot of emotion into this little poem. This lady was obviously very close to you. You shouldn't look at her giving up as a weakness, she knew the end was near and faced it bravely. I can't offer any criticism other than saying it is a little short, but that's good within itself as it's proof you made us want to read more. Thanks for sharing your feelings and please write more.---Mugs---
    | Posted on 2006-08-31 00:00:00 | by mugsy | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]