A weakening faith;
A blackened heart;
Satan's followers- Hellbound
Say: Farewell earth.
Where is Your justice when the poor starve to death?
On streets they sleep- You gave them no bed!
Orphans- they beg for a piece of Your bread-
I've stolen money but such people i'v fed!
Preachers they preach-
Your words they recite!
Beggars we are
So they don't give us Your light!
They sit in their chairs and bribes they take-
Charity in mosques-they never offer late!
Rusted coins they drop on our plates-
They show us sympathy by making us slaves!
Merciful You are, Your mercy we seek.
Take them to hell- heaven's air we want to breathe!
Begged-we have; with shame we stood.
Your mercy we shall have-
Without begging- earn it we should!
| Well, you definitely managed to convey your massage. This is very powerful. I think most of us have some god and religious issues, and we’re all searching for answers and justice. Organized religion lost its dignity and purpose a long time ago. Preachers are a story for themselves; you noticed that in your poem.|
You’ve done a pretty good job, but religion is far more complex than this.
|| Posted on 2005-12-05 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ] || As i was reading this, my jaw dropped. You have true talent. It moght even get better with a little editing, here and there... Again i have to say you started very good. Whenever i start reading your poems i can't stop.||| Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by PinkFairy | [ Reply to This ] || Unbelievable, You were able to put the way society functioned and functions today. I like the rhyme scheme you kept up with the meaning, you have great talent and I hope you keep up with inaugerating the truth.|
You should read my write"Suicidal District". though yours was on a more historic and/or religious basis.
|| Posted on 2005-11-29 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ] || I think the message was good, but I wouldn't have gotten that from your poem if you hadn't had the description there. Also, in poetry it seems to work better if you try to keep a standard line size. It's ok to break the standard at the end, but it's kinda annoying to do it in the middle. But the intentions were good, and you have a lot of talent.|
|| Posted on 2005-11-27 00:00:00 | by Persephone | [ Reply to This ] |