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    dots Submission Name: An Allegation to Firedots

    Author: Secrets Unheard
    ASL Info:    18/m/nj
    Elite Ratio:    4.25 - 84/101/48
    Words: 299
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 961
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1733

       Tell me what you think. I just read a poem and it kind of sickened me, so consider this the return poem, I guess.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAn Allegation to Firedots

    Your words are as hollow as the drum beating over these hills. You smirk, at my laughs, at your poetic designs. Controlling these words like a puppet on strings. They tangle with each motion, yet flow without flaws.

    Like your lies.

    The light bulb sways in an empty room, burning an impression on my cheek, as I hold it close, looking for warmth. The warmth that was promised, by all that was. The warmth that would cure, the disease of us. The doors wide open, letting in the darkness, covering the light, with its overwhelming needing. Eating away at the flesh of the light, so slowly.

    Water has it's steady thumping, against the hard wood floor. Incessant, and clear, with out missing a beat.

    Like your wishes.

    But they never come true. The wishes of the young get buried with the lilacs. And the dreams of the old whither with them in their funeral bed. But your wishes seem to always come through. With a glamorous hatred, you've never faultered. You're as lucky as a rabbit's tail, I wonder if you're the reason of world hunger.

    When the sun sets it glows a gleaming purple on the grasses. So majestic the site, it puts a smile on her face.

    Like your cunning.

    You weave together a door mat of lies, of tricks, of hate, of lust. And it reads, "Welcome home. Broken hearted, this is where you spend the rest of your days." The welcome mat of an asylum, devoted to those who converted to you.

    The stars burn like fire. They were so nice to look at until they got closer. And scorched our skin, and burned our insides.

    Like your lies.

    Submitted on 2005-11-27 09:26:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You weave together a door mat of lies, of tricks, of hate, of lust. And it reads, "Welcome home. Broken hearted, this is where you spend the rest of your days." The welcome mat of an asylum, devoted to those who converted to you.

    This is what stuck out to me the most, brilliant wording here. I also am curious about the poem to which this is a response.

    I also like the breakdown lines of Like your __. It helps the poem. Alright, thats it.
    | Posted on 2007-02-03 00:00:00 | by Dimension_X | [ Reply to This ]
      I picture someone calmly expressing how much they dislike this other someone for leaving such a negative impact on every one they've come in contact with. Hm, I like it.
    | Posted on 2006-12-29 00:00:00 | by numbertwenty | [ Reply to This ]
      I suppose as a work on its own this is alright...like impassive sky I noticed a few grammatical errors, not that big o' deal...I think maybe if a reader had more of the background story, like perhaps what the poem was about that sickened you, this might read a little deeper...

    | Posted on 2005-11-27 00:00:00 | by Milo shanley | [ Reply to This ]
      A few spelling errors..but I don't like to painstakingly critique grammar because as long as the first and last letters are in place most people can understand just fine. I like the monotone I would imagine this piece read in. Very broken and accusing, like there is nothing left to hide or protect and so, you point out the things you had noticed in your length of time with the person described.
    | Posted on 2005-11-27 00:00:00 | by impassive sky | [ Reply to This ]

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