Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: loves a perfect circledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: bloodied_angel
    ASL Info:    15/Female/Oklahoma
    Elite Ratio:    2.63 - 79/119/44
    Words: 181
    Class/Type: Rant/Love
    Total Views: 701
    Average Vote:    1.0000
    Bytes: 1051



    Description:
       just love ranting


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsloves a perfect circledots
    -------------------------------------------


    i dont know,
    with out fail one of us is always busy
    i dont know,
    with out you i fail to breath
    i dont know,
    with out you i dont want to be
    i dont know,
    with out you there is no me

    with out fail,
    you will love me
    with out fail,
    your always there
    with out fail,
    i cry when you leave me
    with out fail,
    i always fall

    you will love me,
    till the end
    you will love me,
    till im dead
    you will love me,
    with out condition
    you will love me,
    and ill love you

    till the end,
    we will love
    till the end,
    we will be together
    till the end,
    we shall fight
    till the end,
    we'll always make it fine

    we will love,
    i dont know how long
    we will love,
    with out fail untill death
    we will love,
    you will love me as i love you
    we will love,
    till the end




    Submitted on 2005-11-27 15:30:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really like the repetition here. I wrote a poem once (on a completely different topic) in a similar style but I couldn't get it to work as well as you have here. Though the 'we always make it fine' is a little clumsy for me - you could just say, 'we'll be fine' or something. But on the whole, very nicely done
    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by herrbench | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm not one into love. i actualli don't even believe it realli exists. but...I think this could use some work, it confused me a little bit, and I didn't realli no what was realli being said...but just keep writing, you'll get better than you already are.
    | Posted on 2005-11-27 00:00:00 | by AngryAtTheWorld | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    82505

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry