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    dots Submission Name: first of all...dots

    Author: nwproud
    ASL Info:    27 / vancouver, wa
    Elite Ratio:    5.62 - 280/243/64
    Words: 135
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 958
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 958

       ive finally made up my mind, i figure, why take a chance, when i have it all in front of me...but then again, maybe i havent made my mind up completely...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfirst of all...dots

    encased in a night without sleep,
    i am withness to season's change,
    bring forth the war-like elements
    upon a meeting we arrange.
    peculiar in refreshed gaze,
    though hint brings familiar smile,
    passersby notice the extent
    to which love makes its arrival.
    my whisper intertwines concept,
    as my lips brush against your ear,
    while the thought i am revealing
    sweetly coaxes your body near...
    "embrace the notion with fervor,
    and replace our present with past,
    believe in me, believe in love,
    be assured that we can last..."
    your smile is slow to appear
    but you look at me with content,
    your hands tremble within my grasp,
    but your promise of love evident.
    the smile may have faded, true,
    but our memory never lost,
    we renew our love with the thought,
    there's truly no other for us...

    Submitted on 2005-11-27 18:09:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Nicely done. Sweet without being overly sentimental. You keep a nice soft rhythm throughout and pace this well.

    Peace, love and all that other junk,

    | Posted on 2007-09-05 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Tony,

    To me, this piece is based upon love, having this wonderful feeling and having this one person who drives you in every direction of life.

    To be honest, I really see love poems as repetitive because everyone goes through that and after a while, reading such things, the ending is very expected and the conclusion is all the same...somehow, i have the urge to find a new meaning to love because after a while, you get to realize that love has stages- a process depending on the type of moves you make.

    Still, i am glad you have such a feeling and that you are able to express it out. I think it has more effect to those people who it is dedicated to. It's a nice piece though...Don't get me wrong...I just would like to see a new point of view when it comes to love and longing.

    Do take care and i do hope we can see each other soon...

    | Posted on 2006-07-05 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]

    I really like this write. I can really see that you still love her and that you would rather be with no one else. I am glad that you are still persuing what y'all had. I am excited for you.

    | Posted on 2005-11-27 00:00:00 | by longwinterdays | [ Reply to This ]
      "withness" should be "witness." "but you look at me with content" should just be "you look at me content." Grammar in other places is a little dodgy, but I'm too confused to figure out how to correct it. This piece is a little tricky. Seems like a typical love poem, but I don't really understand why it starts out the way it does.
    | Posted on 2005-11-27 00:00:00 | by mara | [ Reply to This ]

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