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    dots Submission Name: the joy of passing outdots

    Author: EEKS
    Elite Ratio:    2.7 - 647/1206/773
    Words: 180
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1068
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1070

       ding dong ding dong
    im a frigging idiot
    so is he
    why does it matter
    i want something to drink

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe joy of passing outdots

    i broke the toaster
    ding dong
    is it wrong to be disappointed with whose at the door
    i hoped it might be you
    the lightbulb going off over my head is
    kind of annoying
    and even more disppointing
    because this isnt a good idea
    wheres the clicker?
    i want to change the channel
    or myself
    whichever will work
    or whichever comes first
    i think probably the tv
    its lightning
    so i should turn off the lights to conserve electricity
    but i wouldnt want you to think im not home
    on the off chance you might be around
    its a little too pathetic
    and im sure i will regret it
    but i think i might call just one more time
    no damnit put down the phone
    only 2 out of 10 voices even miss you
    i know i dont
    but i think i do
    its surprising how easy it is to forget
    but i probably employed a bad method
    ill wake up tomorrow
    and youll probably be on my mind again
    at least i can sleep for now

    Submitted on 2005-11-27 20:57:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      awesome...i like that i understood the craziness in this...it was followable. umm, all ya need is a chorus and it's set. i tried to think of one...but i can't get into it right. i dunno where it should go. maybe just a couplet repeater...in between all the different points...hoped this helped.
    other than that i like loved it.
    | Posted on 2006-10-28 00:00:00 | by ollie_wicked | [ Reply to This ]
      this was a refreshing poem to read. a stream of thoughts pouring from your mind=bloody great.

    "but i probably employed a bad method" = had me laughing out loud, due to I've been there, man.

    Also your opening line "i broke the toaster" is freakin' great. sets up the mood perfect.

    well done
    | Posted on 2005-11-30 00:00:00 | by childs | [ Reply to This ]
      well that's quite a nice poem there.. a different taste and a genuine idea.. i enjoyed reading it , but it can get a bit slightly more clearer but then i again i consider poetry to be everyone's mind as they feel , great job , keep it up :)
    | Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by Tarek Refaat | [ Reply to This ]
      I have no idea what the other details are talking about but I'm pretty sure you don't want to answer your door, and if that's what this is about. I know just how you feel. I loved this poem, because it was so original, you even had the onomatopoeia's in it the "ding dong," it's really slick

    keep em comin

    | Posted on 2005-11-27 00:00:00 | by vanhokinshtyl | [ Reply to This ]

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