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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: mind in retreatdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: my pain
    ASL Info:    16/F/aust
    Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 191/123/39
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/I am dead inside
    Total Views: 733
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 765



    Description:
       ok well this one is just what i felt when i wrote it...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsmind in retreatdots
    -------------------------------------------


    What does it mean to be happy?
    To see the image of glory,
    Creating shadows of demons,
    To live each chapter of lifes story,
    as if it was a book of riddles.

    What does it mean to be sad?
    The aching cuts which have been cut too deep,
    The darkned smile of a grin.
    The tears that forever seep,
    The ringing scream of pain.

    What does it mean to be betrayed?
    The stabbing defeat,
    Of lies flawless claws.
    The cringing mind in retreat,
    Of the gloomful fate.

    What does it mean to be invisble?
    Locked and bound to pain,
    Lost and forgotten in memories.
    Unheard and all the same....
    like a nail pinned to a wall....




    Submitted on 2005-11-28 01:39:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      the only part of the poem which i really liked was the following
    "What does it mean to be sad?
    The aching cuts which have been cut too deep,
    The darkned smile of a grin.
    The tears that forever seep,
    The ringing scream of pain"

    the first and third verse of the poem was okay but the last one I thought ruined the entire mood of the poem... i had the feeling that you only wrote that one to make the poem longer, but that is just a though

    peace
    john*

    2/5
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a good write. I could understand the emotions you were trying to put through in this poem.
    I don't really agree with RyukiTZR. "But, it is not very solid. I feel that it merely summarizes these feelings." I really think it does summarize those feelings well.
    My favorite part was the Sad stanza. I can agree with that.
    This whole poem has good detail. Keep it up!

    -Shadow
    | Posted on 2005-12-02 00:00:00 | by Lavender | [ Reply to This ]
      amazing detail. its so...real.

    The tears that forever seep,
    The ringing scream of pain.

    my favorite line. some might read this and automatically think" teen angst". but when i read this, i felt the hurt, the pain, the despair. if you could put into words the last 17 yrs of my life, it would be your poem. personally i don't agree with RyukiTZR, "But, it is not very solid. I feel that it merely summarizes these feelings."
    you don't need to go into great detail of what happened to get the feeling across. good job.
    | Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by secretdream0 | [ Reply to This ]
      I can feel each emotion that you want to get across. I especially like the verses on sad and betrayed. however, I feel like you have just condensed these feelings in order to hurry through to the end. maybe that's what you were looking for. Keep on writing.
    | Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by auntwheezie | [ Reply to This ]
      This is pretty good. Especially the paragraph on being sad and being betrayed. But, it is not very solid. I feel that it merely summarizes these feelings.
    Or perhaps that's what you want in this poem. I'm not sure.
    Thanks for sharing this. Good write.
    | Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by RyukiTZR | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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