Name without reason (pt. 1 of 3) by uncommon

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Submission Name: Name without reason (pt. 1 of 3) dots

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Author:	uncommon_flu
ASL Info:	19
Elite Ratio:	5.31 - 16/18/13
Words:	120

Class/Type:	Poetry/Dark
Total Views:	203
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	864

Description:
this is going to be a 3 part poem... the basic idea so some of you will understand, it is about slavery and the slow movement toward freedom.

This 1st part of three is actually about slaves names and how it would change from master to master. Thought I put that out so some would understand.

Name without reason (pt. 1 of 3) dots

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I watched bleeding crowns burst into open flames
Claim tattered kings, whose robes never knew their names

To tell the truth…

I never knew their names,
it was never the same

It would change more then weather patterns

Their external skeletal structures were deeper then 20 fathoms
Of ohms, repressing more feelings then energy like thunderstorms
Fearing more feelings like schizophrenic newborns

They charge more guilt then innocence
Accept self mutilation then penance
Reject knowledge for ignorance
And would cut out their nerves to escape common cents
Reject their names for fear their family might realize grievances

To tell the truth…

I never knew their names,
It never was the same

Submitted on 2005-11-28 10:19:52 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  An intriguing tension between the repressive sorrow of slavery and the boiling rage that will ultimately manifest itself in a counter culture perpetuating mistrust for the descendants of former masters. The fact of the matter is, slaves were stripped of their African names as a means of relegating them to animal staus while denying them humanity/culture/family. Your first two lines remind me of the torture of slaves for spite and for sport throughout the South in the form of dismemberment/lynching/rape/etc. The energy contained in these lines are very similar to the sentiments of 'Harlem' by Langston Hughes. What does happen to a dream deferred? Nicely done.
| Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
  thank you for that long critique of my poem, it is very appreciated, but I don't think you got it like you said, and I'm more into the piece than you may think. Im not saying your point is useless, its insitefull as 2 what you think, not rejecting your comment so don't get that wrong. But this is actually deeper then just how the words are said. You have to fully understand some parts of the history, and the background, and put some of that knowledge towards this piece, with that said... let the comments come.

oh yea ps: this is not a symbol for slavery its is a story and more elightenment to those who can decode the hidden messages.
| Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by uncommon_flu | [ Reply to This ]
  well, even after I read the discription I still didnt really understand how the poem was a symbol for slavery.
Now, you could just be making it very vague, which is fine, but I honestly cant see the point of the poem.

Slavery is a very delicate subject on any side, I think that it would be a good challenge to write about the past & something we can only read about. putting yourself into the shoes of those people. A hard thing to do yet one that really helps you grow in your writting.

As a suggestion if you wanted to make it easier to understand, then I would pick a certian thing you where going for. Like.. the feeling of the slaves, the work they did.. etc.
Once you get an idea of what you are writting about you can really relay the feelings better.

when you can feel your writting then you know that others can too. What are you feeling when you write this?
I want to feel that too.

this is just an example, this is a very old piece I wrote a long time ago..

'While saying "I love you"
You tore out my heart,
But thats not it...is it?
Its not even a start.

Out of everything you said,
Including " I want us to be"
It was all just a lie to,
Bleed me.'

it doesnt really hold very many emotions, deep inside, this just touches the surface.
this is a newer piece

'I stand here looking onto ashes
left
of something once beautiful,
now
burnt with the same fire that
at one time
stirred up life inside something dead.

love makes
the world go around,
and when it stops
so goes the world,
so goes my world
...my love.'

which could you feel more?
the first was more of just a rant, just words on the page. The second had more feeling, I know that because when I wrote the second one I felt it more.
Really put your heart into it, it is something you want people to feel, I can see that.
Make me feel it
take care
~jennifer
| Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]

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