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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Clockworkdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 939
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 836



    Description:
       An automation is essentially a robot or mechanical doll or something that behaves like one.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsClockworkdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My heart started to beat like a metronome in my chest,
    and my limbs moved like clockwork throughout my day.
    I didn't need to eat or sleep:
    I felt nothing and thought nothing,
    then I got a week off of work;
    my comfortable routine was ripped away,
    and my mother started feeding me
    trying to cover my newly exposed bones,
    begging me to sleep
    to get the blackness from around my eyes
    to go outside for fresh air
    and make my white cheeks pink again,
    and you came around and slowly,
    you reminded me of my humanity
    with your kisses and your love.
    your concern made me weep,
    for once crying felt good,
    tt killed my numbness
    and warmed my cold skin:
    tt brought this automaton back to life.





    Submitted on 2004-04-24 01:35:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this was very sweet. icould identify especially with the part about the tears feeling good. 'It killed my numbness
    And warmed my cold skin
    It brought this automaton back to life '
    lovely lines.


    | Posted on 2004-04-24 00:00:00 | by Voodoo_Lounge | [ Reply to This ]
      Lovely use of language. This flowed really nicely and I especially liked the lines
    Trying to cover my newly exposed bones
    Begging me to sleep
    To get the blackness from around my eyes
    To go outside for fresh air
    wonderful stuff. Favourite .
    | Posted on 2004-04-24 00:00:00 | by Spirited | [ Reply to This ]
      a longer piece again and a very good one. it's written in a matter-of-fact tone, but that fits to what you write about. my favourite part were the lines
    'For once crying felt good
    It killed my numbness
    And warmed my cold skin'
    where the first signs of emotions come in. a great poem!
    | Posted on 2004-04-24 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      i hope this is fiction! the idea that there's a robot out there with feelings is an apalling thought!
    | Posted on 2004-04-24 00:00:00 | by pestiferous | [ Reply to This ]
      Always enjoy reading your submissions cuddledumplin! You have a knack for being able to jump into different parts of the human condition, while keeping things original.
    | Posted on 2004-04-24 00:00:00 | by Interpolation | [ Reply to This ]
      this was very different. it made me think of that little boy in "Artificial Intelligence." he broke my heart 'cause he wanted so much to love and be loved, but he was a robot. very interesting write, dumplin! got me to thinkin'.
    | Posted on 2004-04-24 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      For some reason, the tone of this poem is too robotic to me--it lacks in passion and conviction. The hollow automaton's existence is well delineated in the first half, but once the turning point was reached where you find a lover--the change in your feelings doesn;t really comethrough except for the last 2 lines.,,and to me that sounds a bit weak.--like one of those cheerful synthetic voices from the telephone company. I like the idea here, but I don't feel much emotion. Silver
    | Posted on 2004-04-24 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]


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