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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the musedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: snufthepunk28
    ASL Info:    21/f/ak
    Elite Ratio:    4.5 - 244/178/68
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Rant/Serious
    Total Views: 824
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 435



    Description:
       this is simple to express. as soon as i can go home and get my guitar i well pour out all of my emotion into it. then after i am exsoted i well "feel" better. hehe
    thanks oh and the guitar is not the muse i was refering to. even though it is greatly a passion and hunger and even life.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe musedots
    -------------------------------------------


    i am trying not to make a mistake.
    my heart feel broken. or at lest its lost part of its joy.
    i have found a replacment for it but it is merly a muse for the moment.
    so i have deciding to drop the muse and be content in working to teach my mind how to be gental and confert my heart.
    between the two: the muse and the choice, the choice is the harder of the two yet in the end well be the most benifical.




    Submitted on 2005-11-28 14:53:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hello Felicia. this speaks wonderful truth and you have very lovely words here. now I will have to fix a few things here. I’m going to do this he shorter way. first ill list the words that need to be fixed: “replacment, merly, gental, confert, benifical.” also I took the liberty of trying to brush up on the structure of the write perhaps you might like it better.

    i am trying not to make a mistake.
    my heart feel(s) broken.
    or at lest its lost part of its joy.
    i have found a replacement for it
    but it is merely a muse for the moment.
    so i have deciding to drop the muse
    and be content in working to teach my mind
    how to be gentle and confer (with) my heart.
    between the two: the muse and the choice,
    the choice is the harder of the two
    yet in the end well be the most beneficial.

    I only took a wild guess on the word “confer” but it may also be “comfort” in that case drop the suggestion “with” very strong feelings and I do love the references of the muse and the choice. take care ,

    ~mike
    | Posted on 2005-12-08 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      Fel-Fel-Fel-Feliciaaaaaaaaaa!
    What a freakin powerful statement!
    Honest and heartfelt. I think this is one of the best things I have ever read from you.
    I think that last line is just grrrrrr8! Choices are harder and thats the God awful beauty of them. Hee-hee!

    Nice one ma dear.
    | Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree that there are a lot of misspellings and grammatical errors. I know people say it doesn't matter, but it does make it seem like a poet doesn't care. It's also harder to understand a work with misspellings and poor grammar. However, I don't think poetry has to have "structure" (since I write free verse); a poem can be devoid of meter and rhyme and be as good as anything traditional. Anyway, I do think this needs work, Amy
    | Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      First of all, this piece is riddled with grammatical errors. It doesn't seem as if you've put much work into this. If you were trying to structure this as a poem, I don't see anything resembling structure. This could, with a good deal of work, become a beautiful piece of poetry. The idea definitely has potential, but the actual writing definitely needs work.

    Kym
    | Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by kyml | [ Reply to This ]
      I understand what you were saying
    W e all find something or someone to help us along in our bJourney here on earth
    Be them a friend a soulmate God Or maybe even a favorite book
    We all need something
    This is the emotion and the feeling I got from this write
    Take Care
    Ron
    And thanks again for commenting on my Poetry
    I will definately be looking for more writes of yours
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


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    82620

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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