Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Caramel Miragedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: CaramelCandy
    ASL Info:    37 Female NYC
    Elite Ratio:    6.07 - 118/144/57
    Words: 221
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1084
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1494



    Description:
       Author's Comments:Warning! Please do not take offense to this write. Try to understand the underlying message. This is for all races and nations: NATIONAL AND INTERNATIONAL.

    "This has been locked up inside for many years. Please don't take offense to the words just understand the damage that a people can cause on another group of people. I love all people, color, races. Indifference of color is still rampant. When I see interracial relationships I rejoice because it means that many people have come to realize that color is no longer a factor or barrier of difference.

    Therefore, we must strive for a better tomorrow...no matter how far it may seem. Look at the panoramic picture as oppose to the regular size photo. Love Saby~*~"



    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Caramel Miragedots
    -------------------------------------------



    Butter Pecan
    a caramel color
    so slender and smooth,
    yet you refuse
    to acknowledge me.

    Pushing me to the edge

    "of a ~~~~~~c
    ~~~~~~~ l
    ~~~~~~ i
    ~~~~~ f
    ~~~~ f "

    where darkness dwells
    and waters rise...
    there my color mingles
    unnoticed, unseen, a mirage
    to you and me,
    but I am real
    in flesh and color.

    I have shape and form
    and you are color blinded by
    fear, power, and control.

    Could it be your fear of my achieving?

    Could it be your pain of my succeeding?

    Where tides rise like an overture,
    and the sun rises to gleam.
    Across the tip of lifting waves
    there my color will burn and
    my first state will cease to

    "e ~~~~ x ~~~~ i ~~~~ s ~~~~ t"


    I will only get sweeter
    darker, gentler, smoother,
    you cannot wax and wane
    like you've done to my ancestors...
    who suffered your reign
    living life in terror day to day.

    Desiring to run free
    from the likes of Cain.

    You have caused the tears,
    you have caused the illnesses,
    you have caused the insanity
    that now plagues....


    © © Saby J. Rodriguez, 5/29/05 All Rights Reserved




    Submitted on 2005-11-29 00:11:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well, I don't know what happened, but trhe word

    c
    l
    i
    f
    f

    should have appeared as straight up and down like this. Sorry.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2005-11-29 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      Very, very good! A wake-up slap to all. Let's put this prejudice thing into proper perspective. You have shown it for the nasty that it is. Labeled it a plague, and rightly so. It is rooted in fear, grows like a cancer, and eats away at the soul of mankind. It exists at all four corners of anybody's globe. It comes in all colors, shapes, and sizes, and even if you can't afford it, they'll still sell it to you. A very nice bit of writing. here are but a couple of suggestions:

    "of a ~~~~~~c
    ~~~~~~~ l
    ~~~~~~ i
    ~~~~~ f
    ~~~~ f "

    Like falling off.That's how I think you should structure this portion of the poem.

    "e ~~~~ x ~~~~ i ~~~~ s ~~~~ t"

    Like this , so that the letters aren't lost in the symbols.

    Again a beautiful poem on an important subject that should never be left to fester. Out in the open, it loses its glamour and is exposed for the fear that it is. Thanks for having the courage to post this.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2005-11-29 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting sculpture you've written (and a fine choice of subject matter and tone, as well). I must disagree with the nameless, faceless 'majority' (whomever they may be), that believe people to be inferior in some way in regard to ethnic background/culture/skin color/fill in the blank. My wife is Indonesian, dark skinned, intelligent and beautiful; I FIND HER EXOTIC, not repulsive, and it's her uniqueness that makes her the woman she is (as it also must be in your case). Although this write has militant undertones, they are softened by the prejudice you've faced and evolved into admonisions to look beyond exterior into the soul (which is as true as it is cliché). Nicely done, young lady, nicely done.
    | Posted on 2005-11-29 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      hey saby, i wanted to say that i like the layout in your poem. its like adding color to an image. as far as the message of the poem.. i have not experienced much prejudice in my life time. nor has anyone that i know for that matter. i dont beleive that we should forget the past becuase we dont want history to repeat itself. what i do know is that in a personal way we must all learn to forgive those who wrong us. because only then can we really move forward in our lives. what i dont understand is how you can ask that noone take offense, yet through the poem you continually point out that there is someone to blame or someone that is guilty of what has happened. the few times i do see segregation is when there is a specific group of people that isolate themselves from others. hopefully with time we can all learn to get over the boundaries that we set for ourselves. i do appreciate your point of view and complement your writing.
    | Posted on 2005-11-29 00:00:00 | by ibelikeso | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes, Yes This is a very powerful write Saby, I am glad you posted it. You speak for many in this write but yet you speak as one.
    I hate to echo my comments from other writes so I will say that this in one of those writes that can very touchy to the reader.
    I think you pulled this off well.

    I could anlyze this but I am not. The write speakes for itself and needs no help from me.

    Perfectly written and I love the format. Sort of frilly in a way. HEHE

    Respect and Admiration

    Clyde
    | Posted on 2005-11-29 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Saby,

    This piece can be very touchy to some people, maybe because they live in a society or a community that makes discrimination okay. I live in a country (Guyana) where there are many dark skinned people and being from overseas and being fair and all makes it very easy for me to be discriminated if i go to a certain area. So if they are offenced towards your approach of expressing this topic, my opinion is that they themselves discriminate others. But this is just my observation because i am exposed to it.

    I found your words very sweet. Throughout the poem, i was thinking of candies and stuff like that yet still had a touch of reality. That was well put. I don't really find nothing wrong with this piece expect i don't really understand why u put the one letter sentences in just one stanza. I mean it would of had some format if it was reused to bring more effect but havin it being done just once gave this impression of out of place...Just an opinion though.

    Thanks for sharing this piece. It brought some light to my thoughts.

    Take care...
    Irina
    | Posted on 2005-11-29 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    82709

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry