Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

The Need For Him Is Leaving


Author: Flamequill
ASL Info:    17/Male/Sparta Michigan
Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 77 /97 /35
Words: 155
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 972
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 985



Description:


yeah I know this is mezzo blah, but okay. Tell me what you think......

Oh I figured out I write like a woman, please prove or disprove

otherwise enjoy


The Need For Him Is Leaving



The need for him is leaving
no longer an obsession
I yearn for the same feeling
I had before of him

The brotherly compassion
no longer in my heart
still I want that fashion
the love I once had

I'm turning into him
no longer my old self
but still it too his whim
his strenght and all his soul

To open upt to me
to save me from myself
But still the feeling leaves me
to yonder person seeking help

The truth is I don't know him
to love, respect, or admire
The truth is I can't know him
but that is easy to to restore

My brother will not leave me
nor will I leave him
too much has happened inside me
to abandon one like that

Stay strong, wise, and loving
for him and for all
'cuz everyone needs the feeling
of love, riends, and love




Submitted on 2005-11-29 11:01:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  when i first read the title i thought it was about some guy who is leaving some girl... well that just goes to show that looks can be decieving.
its good, very good. but you should probably look over your words because you have extra letters in some places and missing letters in other places.
the spelling might need some work but the content of this work is great. it is about growing out of the need for someone. right?
i really like this work... thank you for writing it.
| Posted on 2005-11-29 00:00:00 | by kiet aiden | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



82739