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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Love (-1-)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Wolfeye_666
    ASL Info:    14/M/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    6.53 - 140/112/21
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 279
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 877



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLove (-1-)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Love…
    A complicated thing,
    Someone,
    Somewhere,
    Elsewhere,
    Is for you,
    Come across it,
    You’ll then be happy,

    But until then,
    You’ll be unhappy,
    Even if you think,
    That you are happy,
    Because,
    You can’t share everything,
    The person for you,
    Can have these thing shared,
    Friends aren’t always the best,
    To share,

    So when you’ll find true love,
    Jump,
    Fall,
    Come back up,
    But seize it,
    It might be your only opportunity,
    So leap to it,
    And subsequently,
    You will have the only,
    True happiness,

    Because,
    Your heart will be filled,
    Sometimes,
    It will even overflow,
    But this is ok,
    Because,
    Your loved one will restore it,




    Submitted on 2005-11-29 16:11:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Beautiful. Who knew that a little boy (just kidding) who likes to poke dead things, would write something like this. I loved it.




    Love always,
    Megan



    a*k~a^
    SadSpanky
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by sadspanky | [ Reply to This ]
      Wolf~
    I like the concept, but I agree that the flow was just not there. The words were choice, but there was hardly any rhythym. Also try using something different than commas. they're driving me mad.
    All in all, it was a lovely piece, with just a few things that you could change.
    ~Le beau vide.
    *it means the beautiful emptiness*
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by lebeauvide | [ Reply to This ]
      I love what you're saying here but there was not a good flow...it just distracted your point a little...also I ended up feeling like there was more feeling you had that you wanted to put into this one but maybe held back on? This was a great concept though and I really didn't mind the comas...however your point is all good unless the person doesn't love ya back...then it's a reverse affect tenfold...nice write overall.
    peaceness
    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      actually I thought your set up was pretty good and who gives a crap about comma's. anywayz. I dont think that it's all true though... Like (just in my perspective) a friend will always be the best person to share things with. That is if you have the right kind.


    Drea
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by Drea | [ Reply to This ]
      you need to take out all the comas they are driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    gosh, it breaks the whole thing apart. lol- okay-

    now, I really like what you were saying here, but another suggestion would be to read it over again to yourself out loud. I think you are using too many words in some of it.

    Other then that, I think you are getting more depth. OMG!
    I really think you are feeling & relaying those feelings more to your reader.
    nice,
    keep it up-
    ~jennifer
    | Posted on 2005-11-29 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      I REALY LIKE WHAT YOUR SAYING BUT IM NOT SHURE I LIKE HOW YOU PUT IT I MEAN I COMEPLEETLY GET IT BUT THE WORDING IS OFF AND IT DOSNT FLOW TO WELL BUT I GARENTEE YOU ITS NOT HOPELESS IT JUST SEEMS TO ME YOU HAVENT REVISED IT YET.

    XOXO
    THAT GIRL
    | Posted on 2005-11-29 00:00:00 | by sweet sorenity | [ Reply to This ]



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