Description: Im actually just looking for someone to care, I'm really depressed right now, it's the time of year though. and no, i dont hate christmas. I was working on this at school 2day,l all my friends are ignoring me for some reason, and zuri still isnt at school today, i heard that she got raped and beaten, If i dont deal with that through writing, the little, sick, freak that did it might not wake up 2morrow, so my next few poems might be kinda violent.?
finally someone on here that can write! god some ppl just suck. ummm ya look at my stuff...you might appreciate it enough to comment on it...well back to your write...i can relate but not exactly...i think you would like crimson for cutting(even tho its more lik carving to me...but w/e) and "no title necissary" is a pretty damn good one 'bout heroin...there are several more but ya:) well...hope to see a coment or more from you. xoxoxo Reeses
Okay sunshine, I read your description and don't lie - everyone hates christmas (lol) and it's not that you don't get what you want or any of that it's just that putting people in a room together and telling them to be happy is never going to happen. Also, if you're feeling a little 'under the weather' and you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me at anytime. I'm on here daily during the week and I'll be sure to write you back. (Also *HUG*)
As for the poem it was pretty good. There was a lot of emotion, I love the last stanza even though it made me so sad!
Got a lot of commas. Cooool ending. Dirt life bleeds to mud... I like it. The "Locker doors, sharp books!" line sounds a little strange or out of place, maybe there's something else that's a possibility that would fit in more with the style, ne? Good overall, it's not too vent-y, some people just rant and it doesn't sound very poetic at all. I think you did a good job at harnessing that kind of feeling. Hm, people worrying, strange looks, I know where you're coming from, man.
Please don't feel this way their are people who care . just had to say that. some one told me that when i felt like that . any way that isn't the point. The point is I like it I like it I like it . Your word choise is femominal (?) please correct me if I spelled it wrong and you are now being stalked
Nice wording...I like the last stanza, its subtle but still descriptive. Blood seems to be a common remedy today, doesnt it? The third stanza was a bit awkward to me though, but maybe it fits the way you read it so...just a thought. Good luck.